He said slowly, “I am afraid.”
Helgi forgot her game with her husband. She knelt down beside Magnus’ chair and gently began smoothing Zarabeth’s thick hair from her face. The hair was soft and so very rich. She marveled at the color. Zarabeth’s brows were darker, a rich brownish-red, and her lashes were thick and the same shade as her brows. Her cheekbones were well-sculptured, her skin smooth and very white. Helgi thought of a little girl who would somehow look like her son and Zarabeth also, and shook her head at herself. “Why? She is not like Dalla, Magnus. You have known her well. Is not her belly wide, her bones well-spaced? Her hips are not narrow.”
“I don’t know. When I have looked at her, I had no thought of childbearing in my mind.”
His father laughed. “I can understand that. Married to this old woman here, though, it is difficult for me to remember such things.”
“Ha! There is more gray in your hair, old man, than in mine!”
Magnus looked toward the smoldering remains of his home, his mother’s laughter in his ears. No matter what seemed to happen in life, no matter how hateful, how sad, how awful things got, there always seemed to be something left, someone there, that made him want to continue. He lowered his head to Zarabeth’s forehead. He had seen her, decided he had wanted her, and given her wishes little or no thought at all. He had always been confident, so sure of himself and what he was. He had given her a large dose of what it was he wished to have, never doubting that he would have her. If she had purposely betrayed him, well, he had deserved it. As for his own behavior, he knew all he had brought her was unhappiness and pain and humiliation.
Now his child grew in her womb. It was terrifying, and yet, at the same time, he felt incredible joy. He felt the wet of his tears on his face.
When Zarabeth awoke, it was to see her husband’s face close to hers, and he was staring at her intently. “What happened to me? I don’t understand. I’m lying on you and—”
“You fainted.”
It was odd, but she was lying in her husband’s lap. Slowly she raised her hand and touched her fingers to his cheek. “Are these tears?”
“Aye.”
“But why? I was merely tired, mayhap overtired. Nothing more.” She grinned a bit unsteadily. “My life of late has been a bit exciting and just a bit unpredictable.”
He dipped his head down and kissed her lightly on her closed mouth. “Have you ever fainted before, Zarabeth?”
She shook her head. “I am not subject to such nonsense, Magnus.”
“That is what my mother said.”
“Why were you crying? Is there something wrong with me? . . . Oh
, no, is Ragnar all right?”
“He is fine. Do you have wide hips?”
“If you will let me rise, I will try to crane my head about and look.”
“Hold still.” He pulled her a bit higher over his left arm. His right hand went to her belly and he gently splayed his fingers over her. Her hipbones were beyond his reach. “That is good, I suppose. I will tell my mother of my discovery and see what she thinks.”
She tried to push his hand away. “Magnus, there are people everywhere! Someone will see!”
“I am your husband. Let them look.”
“Let me up now. I feel fine, and it is silly for me to be sitting on you in this ridiculous chair when there is naught about but . . .” She had pulled herself abruptly upright as she had spoken. She stared at him, and suddenly her face was as white as her belly. “Oh,” she said, and fell back against his arm. Suddenly there was fear in her eyes. “What is wrong with me? I thought I would faint again, and I felt so dizzy . . .”
“You carry my babe.”
“. . . and light-headed. I felt light-headed before, but I believed I was merely hungry, that I was afraid of Orm and what would happen, merely . . . What?”
He grinned at her. “Nay, don’t move, I don’t want you to faint again. It scared all the wickedness out of me. That’s right, just hold still. You carry my babe.”
She stared up at him, unable to grasp the reality of it. No, no, reality was Lotti drowning, reality was Egill disappearing, reality was lying on the ground naked with Orm over her . . . “I am with child? You are certain?”
“Aye.”
His eyes blazed with pleasure, the blue so vivid, so startling, that she couldn’t look away, nor did she want to.
“I have never had a child before.”