“I’m rich,” he said abruptly. “My legacy from my grandfather will keep me from penury. I can support a wife. I am thinking of breeding horses, Judith. It is something that suits me; unlike estate management, which suits James quite well. When the gods were casting the die, everything seems to have sorted out properly.”
“You mean you don’t mind being the second son? You don’t mind not being the future earl of Northcliffe?”
“Blessed hell, of course not. You said you never considered coming to London to find a husband. Well, I never considered being the earl of Northcliffe. My brother will make a fine earl when his time comes. And I, well, I will be myself and surely that is not too bad. Had you expected some burning sort of resentment on my part?”
“Perhaps. It seems to me that it would be natural to resent not having what he will have.”
He grinned down at her. “I would heartily detest dealing with all the problems my brother will have to handle as a matter of course. We’ve some tenants who make the vicar curse. No, I’m free to be what I wish and free to do
what I wish. I am a very lucky man.”
He paused a moment, looked down at his boots, perhaps to see if his heart were there, and said, “I have been giving this a lot of thought, and I believe I should like to visit Ireland, go to The Coombes, to see your cousin’s operation. Is he a welcoming fellow, your cousin?”
“Ah, I’m certain he would much enjoy having you.”
“Good. Ah, there is also the Rothermere stud in Yorkshire. The Hawksburys live there. Their eldest son is my age. Perhaps you would like to see a stud?”
“Perhaps,” she said, and her fingers tightened about his arms. “I might even prefer traveling to Rothermere above visiting my cousin. Rothermere is new to me, you see, and thus of more interest. You are very strong, Jason. I’ve observed that in you.”
“My mother likes to tell James and me that the moment we could stand, we wanted to pick each other up. When I was three, I managed to hoist James over my head for perhaps one second. My mother, as I remember, applauded, which, naturally, didn’t make James happy at all. I don’t remember this, but my mother says that he stomped a toy wooden block on my foot he was so mad. I had a very fine childhood. Did you, Judith?”
Was there a flash of pain in her fine eyes? He couldn’t be sure. He wanted to ask her, but he sensed, deep inside himself, that she would back away from him if he tried to probe. She was an exciting mixture of shy and wicked, reticent and confident, combinations that drove him mad even while his heart speeded up. He realized too that he wanted to hold her close, tell her that he would care for her until the day he died, but he said nothing. He wasn’t yet certain what was in her mind. He wasn’t a patient man, but he knew to his bones that with her, patience wasn’t a lame virtue, it was a necessity. He wondered at it, but accepted it, just as he was prepared to accept her, her shyness and her wickedness, and anything else she could dish up.
“My childhood was fine indeed, Jason. There were some bad times, of course, as there must be in life. Happiness comes and then it goes, as does unhappiness.”
He said, lightly touching his fingertip to her chin, “Are you happy now, Judith? Now that you’ve met me?” She shrugged, began to fiddle with his cravat, and fell silent. He felt pain, at a girl’s seeming rejection? He’d simply never encountered such feelings before. Could he have been mistaken in her? No, that wasn’t possible, surely. She seemed inordinately fascinated by his cravat. He said nothing, waited.
Finally, she raised her face to his. “Am I happier now that I’ve met you? It’s odd, you know. When there is someone who is important, you forget that there was ever another life. You live from one burst of happiness to the next. Of course in between, there is uncertainty and plain misery, for you don’t know what the other is thinking, feeling.”
She’d spoken eloquently, he thought, and she was right. With her-and he admitted she was important to him-he’d felt more than his share of misery. And uncertainty, such uncertainty. “Perhaps in the future, bursts of happiness will overtake all other feelings. A not-too-distant future, if you please, since I am close to expiring with anxiety.”
“Perhaps.” And he saw the wickedness in her eyes, hot and wild, and he wished he had her naked beneath him right at that instant. “Do I make you happy, Jason?”
He said nothing at all, looked at her mouth, her small ears with the pearl drop earrings dangling. She punched him in the arm. He laughed. “So you are expiring with anxiety? I’m glad you see my point now. Yes, Judith, you have made me happy.”
“Can you tell me what your parents think of me?”
She cared about him, there was absolutely no doubt at all in his mind. He wanted to ask her to marry him, right this second, but something held him back. She wasn’t ready for that, he knew it to his boots. It had happened too quickly, he was reeling, his guts twisting and roiling about, so how must she be feeling? She was young and innocent, despite her nearly twenty years. Since he wasn’t stupid, he said easily, “My parents are very fond of you, just as I am. Can you doubt it?”
“I haven’t met many people who would be pleased to welcome a stranger.”
“That is a pity. Perhaps you would like to spend more time with them before we continue on this path to more happiness for you?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “Perhaps.”
“They know you well enough right now, Judith. They believe you quite clever; my father even said you were charming. I raised an eyebrow at that, but he said, yes, it was true. You’d charmed him, he said, and then he remarked that you were as bright as a new penny.”
He saw clearly that she liked the sound of that, but she had to pick and prod and doubt herself. “But they don’t really know me, not like they know Corrie. She’s already like a daughter to them.”
“That’s true, naturally, since she’s been in and out of Northcliffe Hall since she was three years old. She’s been a sister to me for year upon year. I do hope, however, that James doesn’t think of her as a sister; I can’t imagine anything more hellish than that. Now, my parents are returning to Northcliffe Hall on Friday. My father is satisfied that all inquiries are moving ahead and he is no longer needed here. I am accompanying them, naturally, with Remie and three other runners Lord Gray recommended to guard my father. Perhaps you and Lady Arbuckle would like to come with us? For a nice long visit? Would your aunt like that, do you think?”
“I must speak to her.” She looked up at him through her lashes and said, “I believe, though, that she wants me to marry an earl.”
He laughed, couldn’t help himself. “Like my father, you have charmed me as well. You’re as wicked as any man could wish, Judith. Hmmm, wouldn’t your aunt prefer the scion of a duke? Like Devlin Monroe, Corrie’s vampire?”
“So now I am old and wicked, both at the same time.”
“Yes, and I am immensely grateful for it.”