“Didn’t you tell your father what he’d done to you?”
Alice shook her head. “It wouldn’t have mattered. He would have blustered about, then he would have done exactly what Lev knew he’d do. He would force me to wed him. I can even see my father blaming me, accusing me of seducing Lev, forcing him to marry me, not the other way around.”
“What happened?”
“I had met Farley. I loved him. I ran away, to him. He lived in London, in rooms on Jermym Street. He took me in. I knew my father was looking for me, but he’d never imagine that I would come to Farley. I stayed with Farley, and then we married. Gray was born just over nine months later.”
Jack stumbled back. She folded in on herself. Everything was over now. No more hope. Nothing that was good, that was joyful, remained. She knew she was crying, but there was no noise. Everything had burst inside her, and she was left with nothing at all, except this emptiness that would be with her forever, until she died, and she would die alone. She would never know Gray as her husband, as the man she would share her life with. It was over before it even began. She simply couldn’t stand it. She rose slowly, raised her face to the sky, and shouted, “No!”
“What’s wrong?”
It was Alice. Suddenly she sounded perfectly normal, as if they’d been speaking of the spring daffodils.
“I am married to Gray and I love him and he is my half brother and that is what is wrong.”
She wanted to kill the woman, simply take her white neck between her hands and squeeze until this damnable pain that was eating her lessened.
But it wouldn’t lessen, ever.
“You are Lev’s daughter,” Alice said. “My son told me this afternoon that he had married you.”
“Yes, I am Lev’s daughter.”
“You have the look of him. It frightened me how much you look like him.”
“Yes, I know. I also have something of the look of your son, Gray, who also has the look of you and of his father, Lev. Haven’t you noticed? We are both fair. My eyes are blue and his are green, not much difference there.”
“What are you talking about? You make no sense, girl.”
“Lev is my father. Lev is also Gray’s father. That’s what you just said.”
“You believe Lev is Gray’s father?”
&nb
sp; Jack just stared at her stupidly, wondering how much madness was within herself and how much in her mother-in-law.
Alice waved her white hand in Jack’s face. “Oh, no, you silly girl, you don’t understand. When Farley took care of me, I meant that he saved me. I miscarried Lev’s child four weeks later, just before we married, and I nearly died because the bleeding wouldn’t stop. He nursed me, saved me. Oh, I remember he was so desperately pleased that I wouldn’t bear another man’s child. I remember that he got drunk, he was so relieved. But to my beloved Farley, it didn’t matter that I wasn’t a virgin, that Lev had taken me first. It didn’t matter until later, because I was so very slow to learn, to admit my guilt in the matter. Farley was always trying to get me to understand my guilt, to admit what I had done, to pray to God every night that I owed Farley more than I would ever owe another human being. And it was true.”
Jack said slowly, “Evidently Lev always believed that Gray was his son. He told Lord Burleigh that Gray was his son, made him believe it.”
For the first time, Alice smiled, a beautiful wide smile. “Yes, I know. It pleased Farley to let him believe it. Then he would punish me. All of it pleased him.”
“Lev named me Graciella, wanting me to be close in name at least to Gray.”
“Lev was a fool. I wish he had died when he went to the Colonies. He haunted me, the bastard. He came here to Needle House after Gray murdered Farley. He wanted me yet again, I know it. I know he wanted me to admit that Gray was his son. I refused to see him. Jeffrey told him of my dreadful illness. He had no choice but to leave. He finally died, did he not?”
“Yes, Lev finally died. Will you tell Gray that Farley is indeed his father?”
“You promised I would never have to see him again.”
“That’s right.”
Alice rubbed her chin with her white hand. “I would never have to see that murdering boy again. I could forget that he even existed. But I would have to see him to tell him that Lev isn’t his father.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You could write it all on paper for him to read. Will you write down that Lev isn’t his father, that I am not his half sister?”
Alice squared her shoulders and jumped to her feet with all the grace of a young girl. She looked into Jack’s face and said, “I have thought about it. My answer is no. He killed his father. He killed my Farley. If there is suffering, then he will suffer. He deserves to suffer. There’s no reason he should be happy after what he did. It is ridiculous that he should be happy with a wife. No, let him believe that his wife is in reality his sister. That will bring him more misery than he can stomach, and he deserves it. He is the monster, not his poor father. He murdered my only love.”