She shook her head.
“Perhaps it would be a good idea. You will shortly be naked, after all, and I won’t wish to have you shivering from cold. I want you shivering just from me.”
So this was a man’s punishment, she thought, looking back at him now. He was completely in control, his size alone gave him that, and he looked mean and determined and oddly angry. She’d said nothing to draw forth that anger, at least not at the dining table. He was probably smelling the dreaded beeswax and lemon again.
But Sinjun had been blessed with two singularly unmanageable, obstinate, very intelligent brothers, who had taught her a lot about men and their strange outlooks and unaccountable behaviors.
Here was Colin acting like the sultan, and she was here to be his slave girl. The image pleased her. It would have pleased her more were he laughing and teasing her. Ah yes, veils, dozens of veils in all colors, and she would dance for him and . . .
“What the devil are you smiling about?”
“Veils.”
“Joan, have you lost your wits?”
“Oh no, I was just seeing you as the head sultan and me your slave girl for the night, and I was wearing veils and dancing for you.”
He paused, at a loss. She was unexpected; what she thought and said were unanticipated. Even when she said something that he could possibly expect, at the edge of his brain it still shook him that she could speak so clearly and candidly and without guile. He didn’t like it.
“I think that a charming and apt idea. However, tonight you will simply dance for me naked. I will clap my hands for you if you need accompaniment. I will fetch you some veils when I return to Edinburgh. Then we can try it again, conforming more to your vision.”
“Ah, so it is your intention to leave in the morning, then? Before dawn, I daresay. Whilst I’m still asleep, naturally. I understand, Colin. The last thing you want is to face a pathetic wife who just might beg you not to leave her here again, not to leave her stuck in your home, on your lands, in your damned foreign country. Do you think perhaps I could change your mind about leaving? No, I didn’t think so. Oh yes, I mustn’t forget the pleasant relatives you have immured me with. Aunt Arleth is a treat. She hates you, she hates me; as far as I can tell the only ones she loved were your brother and your father, who played her false, at least in her mind. As for Serena, I have no idea if she is of this world or of the fairies. She’s daft, but pleasantly so. The children—why, I will simply continue to beat them whenever it suits my fancy.”
“I don’t
wish to argue with you anymore this night. Just know, Joan, that you will do absolutely nothing more whilst I’m gone. Nothing. You will try to present a pleasant face to all my people and to my children. That is what I expect of you, my wife.”
“Go to the devil, Colin.”
He watched her chin go up and felt his blood quicken, felt his damned blood rush from his brain to his groin. This girl, who’d worshiped him so ardently in London, who’d begged for his man’s body all the way to Scotland, ah, why she’d become a termagant. There was no ardent devotion in her Sherbrooke blue eyes at the moment. There was a good deal of fire, and oddly it looked cold as the moon. It also excited him.
He took a step toward her. She stood her ground. She wasn’t about to let him chase her around the laird’s bedchamber, although she’d heard Alex shrieking once when Douglas was chasing her. And then the shrieks had stopped and Sinjun had known that what they were doing was wonderful. But this wouldn’t be wonderful.
“I will let you kiss me, Colin. I much enjoy that. I already told you.”
“Oh yes, I will kiss you.”
“If you wish I will also kiss you.”
“Yes, I expect you to kiss me back.”
“No, I mean I will kiss your sex and caress you, if you wish. It was enjoyable that first time to hear you moan and see your body tighten and jerk and all because of what I was doing to you.”
He stopped dead in his tracks at that. He swallowed. He also hardened considerably. He easily pictured her above him, touching him with her mouth and her hands. He could still feel her hair spread over his belly.
“No,” he said, “I don’t want you to do that,” and felt his body nearly revolt.
“Why not? You liked it. I don’t know why you made me stop so quickly that first time. I was just learning how to do it. I could continue on and on tonight. I don’t wish to have you do the other thing to me. We have already decided that you will not. You are too large.”
“I told you that you didn’t know anything. For a girl who’s so intelligent, so very well educated, your ignorance in this matter is laughable. I will make love to you, Joan, and I will come inside you the way I am supposed to, the way men and women have come together since the moment God set them in Eden.”
“Very well, I see you are quite set on this. I was just testing the waters. I’m willing to compromise with you, Colin. I will be able to endure one time, I think. It shouldn’t be so bad. But more than one time I cannot allow. It would be cruel of you to insist.”
He laughed, he couldn’t help himself. God, he’d missed her, and he hadn’t wanted to, damn her Sassenach hide. No, he’d wanted to take other women, but he hadn’t, though several ladies had issued invitations that only a blind man would have missed. No, he hadn’t touched another woman, and he’d thought about her, those long white legs of hers, but most of all her absolute honesty. He cursed. He didn’t believe for a minute that she would ever lay a finger in anger on a child, any child, even Dahling at her most irritating.
“No, we’ll do it right. I have endured abstinence. I’m not meant for celibacy. At least no more of it. I will take you as many times as it pleases me to do so, and you will enjoy it, Joan. You will trust me.”
She didn’t move an inch, didn’t twitch. “You force me to bare my soul, so to speak, to mortify myself, which I don’t like to do.” She drew a deep breath and stared him right in the eye. “I’m not pregnant, Colin.”