Then I’d relied on Ian—he was everything I’d needed.
Now, I sat here in a mostly empty apartment, back where I started.
Alone.
27 Carina
Aunt Vivian gave me a skeptical look the next morning when I dropped Audrey off before work. Thankfully, she didn’t ask any prying questions about my swollen, puffy eyes. She knew me well enough to let me process, and I’d explain in time.
I thought work would be a good distraction from the mess my life was currently in. That tactic had worked when Jake and I broke up. I’d buried myself in contracts and clients, and it had blocked out the hurt. Now, I sat with my hands frozen over my keyboard, staring blankly at my computer screen that had long faded to black.
I just couldn’t get my mind to stop reeling.
Would I always be in this situation? The girl that got cheated on.
No, Ian hadn’t cheated. I believed him when he said Hanna had pursued him and he’d put a stop to it. But would I be the girl who was always an extra, the one who didn’t come first. Ian had been so concerned about Hanna’s feelings that he’d completely dismissed mine, deceiving me into believing he’d talk to her.
The biggest, most daunting question was if Ian and I could get past this.
Did I want to?
Yes.
That answer came through loud and clear. I loved him. I loved our family. But maybe I was the only one. Maybe he didn’t love me in return. Maybe he was only in it for Audrey.
“Carina.”
My name jerked me out of my thoughts, and I looked over to find Jake standing at my door, brows drawn together.
“Hey. What’s up?” I tried to give an aloof tone, but it was too high-pitched, and Jake knew me too well.
“I called your name a couple times.”
“Sorry,” I laughed at myself, but it came out choked. “I was just lost in thought.”
“You okay?”
Maybe it was the concern and sincerity behind his question. Maybe because it was Jake and he was the closest thing I had to a best friend. I didn’t know, but the next words out of my mouth shocked us both. “Did you love me?”
He blinked a few times, his mouth opening and closing like a fish before he ran a hand over his face and closed the door, walking deeper into my office.
“Carina, I still love you. Jackson and I both love you. You know that, right? That what we shared together wasn’t a lie?”
His deep voice rang with passion, and I knew he meant every word. Deep down, past the hurt, I knew we all had cared deeply for each other. But this thing with Ian was wearing me down and putting cracks in things I thought were whole.
I swallowed the lump in my throat before answering. “I do, and I know why it didn’t work out. I’m just…having a moment.”
“You’re allowed those, and you don’t take enough for yourself.” He leaned his hip against the edge of my desk and stared down with his assessing look. I tried to lift my chin higher and pull my shoulders back, afraid of what he might find behind the exterior. “Is this about Ian?”
And just like that, the thin shell I’d been using to support myself cracked, and Jake became a blurry figure. Once the dam had one small fracture, it shattered, and all came pouring out.
Jake reached me just as the first sob broke free. I tried to cover my face, ashamed to be crying so openly in my ex-fiancé’s arms. I could only imagine if my dad came in right now. He’d proclaim he told me so—that women were too weak and cried in the office over trivial things.
But Jake didn’t say anything, he held me close and let me bury my head against his chest and let loose everything I’d been holding in the past twenty-four hours. He rubbed his hand over my hair and whispered that it was all okay. My whole body shook with each cry that wracked through me, and it seemed to go on forever, sapping my energy until there was nothing left.
Finally expelling every last tear I had, I was down to a few sniffs, trying to wipe at my cheeks like nothing happened.
Jake continued to rub my back and hold me close. This was the reason I forgave him for what he did to us. This was the reason I decided our friendship was more important than our mistakes. Because no matter what, he was there for me without judgment. He was my best friend.
“I’m sorry,” I said with my soggy voice. “My hormones are still kind of crazy.”
Jake held my face in his hands and gave the same comforting smile he’d given me when I broke up with my boyfriend in high school. “No need to apologize. You don’t always have to be the strongest one in the room.”