I stood less than a foot from him and let his presence wash over me. Something eased in my chest. More than just not being here alone.
A lingering pressure from being alone, for not having someone show up just for me in life, lightened.
Ian had shown up for me and that had me swallowing around tears.
A countdown ticked in the back of my mind, but we had a wedding to get to. Now wasn’t the time to acknowledge the fact that I was inching closer to something big I wouldn’t come back from. Something like giving in to this need for Ian.
“Shall we?” I asked, holding out my hand.
“We shall.”
His large palm slipped in mine, and for the first time all day, I could breathe. People stared when we walked in, but none of it mattered.
Instead, I was immersed in blue and white flowers, candles and dim lighting with soft music and love pouring out of every person. Especially the happy couple I’d just watched pronounce their vows to each other. It’d been a beautiful ceremony with many happy tears. Not from the masculine couple on the altar. No, they were way too manly and only allowed choked voices and long pauses to collect themselves.
Hell, I’d even shed a tear myself. Ian had been gentleman enough to not call me on it. Instead, he’d remained by my side. He never asked me how I was doing or if I was okay, which I knew half the guests at the wedding were dying to know.
Poor Carina. It must be hard watching her ex-fiancé get married.
No, Ian hadn’t given me pity looks or even tried to boost me up. He stood by me like a sentinel.
Now, we sat at a table with Erik and Alexandra, awaiting the happy couple’s arrival at the reception. They’d been shocked to find Ian by my side, but Erik smiled and patted Ian on the back, muttering, “Good choice,” as we sat down.
“So,” Alex started. “How’s living together?”
“Great,” I answered.
“The worst,” Ian said at the same time.
“What?” I jerked my head to the side to scowl only to find him smiling.
“I’m kidding,” he reassured, resting his hand on my knee, sending a flurry of butterflies to my stomach. “She’s the best roommate I’ve ever had.”
“Hey, now,” Erik protested.
“What? She has boobs, and you never cooked for me.”
“Ian!” I admonished.
He cocked a brow, and I knew zero apology would come from him. “I’m not going to sit here and pretend you don’t have an amazing rack. It’s true, and you should be proud of it.”
I tried to hold it back, but a laugh broke free.
“So proud,” he continued, a devious glint sparking like a flash of silver in his eyes, “maybe you should walk around topless.”
“Jesus, Ian.”
“It’s just a suggestion.”
Erik ended that train of conversation, thank God. “Have you had a better roommate?” he asked me.
“Almost all of them,” I deadpanned.
“Hey!” Ian protested, and I quickly smiled his way to let him know I was joking. “Would it help if I walked around topless? Oooo—let’s do topless Tuesday. Audrey would love it. She hates clothes.”
Alex and I were both laughing behind our hands, and Erik was shaking his head at his best friend.
Topless Tuesday talk was put on hold when the happy couple was announced and came parading in, holding hands in dark tuxes and matching radiant smiles. Jackson held Jake’s stare as he kissed his hand before pulling him into his arms for their first dance.
I watched with an ache in my heart that I had grown to accept. I was so unbelievably happy for them. Rationally, I knew that Jake and I would have been unhappy together and that things worked out perfectly with Audrey in my life. But rationality doesn’t care about your heart. Rationality doesn’t stop the pinch each time you see what hurt you. It can only dim it. But having their happy ending literally surrounding me, rationality didn’t stand a chance.
Taking a deep breath, I looked out the corner of my eye to the left, taking in Ian’s profile. He must have noticed me staring because his hand crept across the small gap between our chairs and wrapped his large, calloused hand around mine. Meeting his eyes, I gave a forced smile before watching the couple dance around the floor, not removing my hand from his.
“I think,” Ian said right against my ear, sending chills down my spine, “Billy Idol’s White Wedding should be our first dance when we get married.”
“What?” I whisper-yelled, jerking to face him. I expected to find his signature smirk letting me know he was joking, and instead, found expecting eyes like he was waiting for me to agree, and my jaw dropped.
“Come on. It’d be a hit and shock everyone. I’ve already shown you my sweet moves.”
His hips swiveled in his chair, mimicking the hip thrusts he did around the house. I huffed a laugh but was too shocked by his statement to do more than that.