Carina rocked back and forth on a cushy chair with a half-circle pillow around her waist, supporting Audrey as she ate. Carina’s shirt was pulled up just enough for Audrey to reach her breast. I could see the full curves covered in soft pale skin. But in that moment, my thoughts were the furthest thing from sexual.
Fire burned its way up my throat, and I stepped into the room, halting Carina’s humming and bringing her eyes to mine. She kept staring as I came closer not taking my eyes off my little girl feeding, her little fist balled up against Carina’s breast. Without thinking, I dropped to my knees in front of her and stroked Audrey’s full head of hair.
“Thank you, Carina. Thank yo—” I had to swallow past the lump in my throat and try again. “Thank you for this beautiful gift.”
When I looked up, she had tears in her eyes too, and I offered a smile, getting one in return. “Thank you,” she whispered.
I kissed Audrey’s head and pulled back to my haunches. “Do you need anything?”
“No. I’ve already changed her, so when she’s ready, we’re going to head to bed to get some sleep.”
“Okay. I’ll be on the couch if you need me.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”
14 Carina
For the first time all week, I woke up on my own and not to the cries of a baby. Audrey was still passed out in her sleeper, her thumb firmly planted between her rosebud lips. I could’ve sat there and watched her sleep, but I heard noise coming from out in the living room. I turned on the baby monitor and headed out. Ian sat on the couch, a slew of papers spread out on the coffee table and the television on some news channel with the sound off.
“How’d you sleep?” I asked, stepping into the room. His head jerked up not having heard me come in. He’d stayed at my place every night since we got home from the hospital and still, finding him there in the morning, those gray eyes taking me in first thing, shot a spark of excitement through me.
“I think I’m going to buy you a new couch,” he joked.
Wincing, I made myself comfortable on the armchair catty-corner to said couch, pulling my feet up on the cushion. My couch was more for design rather than sleeping comfort, and Ian was a big man.
“You don’t have to stay,” I offered, even though I kind of—okay really—liked not being alone.
“I want to be here. Neck cramp and all.”
I tried not to smile too much at his little jokes here and there, I was worried it would give him a big head, and I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea that I liked him—even though I kind of did. Kind of. But I remembered our conversation right before my water broke and I didn’t want to encourage him to push for more.
Because you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from caving.
I ignored the thought and thankfully didn’t have to dwell on it because Ian was talking again.
“You know, we could always stay at my apartment,” he suggested slowly like he was dipping a toe in the water.
My first instinct was to laugh, but his face lacked any amusement. The idea had come so far out of left field, and I didn’t know what to think.
“What?”
“Just something to think about. Your place is smaller, and I have a huge apartment not far from here, so it wouldn’t change the commute.”
My eyes widened as each word sunk in. “Oh, you’re serious.”
“Yes, I’m serious. I can take you there to check it out.”
“Ian, that’s kind of ridiculous. I mean, this is my home. I can’t just leave. I can’t just move in with you.”
The more I thought about it, the crazier it seemed. How did he not think this was the most insane idea ever?
“It’d be no different than me sleeping here.”
The more he spoke, the tighter my chest got. Bringing Audrey home was crazier than I expected and leaving the comfort of my home right now, scared the shit out of me. Leaving the comfort of my home on a chance with the man across from me, had my heart pounding like a jackhammer.
I hadn’t even lived with Jake, and we’d been engaged. And when everything fell apart, my apartment had been my sanctuary. I couldn’t imagine giving that up or putting that much on the line.
No, I needed steady, and he was Ian being Ian, not thinking through all the complications of his idea.
“Like I said, you don’t have to.”
“And like I said, I want to. I want to be with you and Audrey. Preferably with more space.”
“And I appreciate that, but I can’t just pick up and move.” His shoulders dropped, and he sighed. “Listen, I can look into getting a new couch, but I can’t even think of moving.”