Evanna didn’t know whether to snatch her hand away or hold on tight. It felt impossibly intimate to be lying together in the dark, touching, even if she knew that, for him, that touch was only a symbol of friendship.
The air around them was still and the heat was stifling, despite the lateness of the hour. They were enclosed by the garden and the silence of a summer evening, disturbed only by the faint barking of a dog from the farm across the fields.
Reminding herself that the whole point of coming up here that evening was to listen to him, she forced herself to ignore the firm press of his fingers against hers. ‘What’s changed, Logan?’ She struggled to sound casual and Logan gave a short laugh.
‘I have. I’ve changed.’
‘Well, I’m sure that’s to be expected. No one could go through what you went through and not change. And I don’t think that there’s a right and a wrong to cope with anything. You just have to do what feels right for you. We all struggle through life in the best way we can, and you do brilliantly.’
‘Do I? Tell me, Evanna, what is the required time for remaining celibate after the loss of a wife? A year? Two years? More?’
‘I’ve never thought about it.’ Startled by the question, she hoped that the darkness hid the sudden rush of colour to her cheeks. ‘I suppose it depends on the individual. You’re a normal, healthy guy, Logan, and surely it’s to be expected that you’d— I mean of course eventually you’re going to— It’s natural to—’
‘Want sex?’ He didn’t let go of her hand. ‘Is it? Is it natural to be interested in another woman? To be honest, the feeling took me by surprise.’
Was he telling her that he wanted to have sex with someone?
Her heart flipped and she struggled to squash down the sick feeling of disappointment that rose up inside her. This wasn’t about her, she reminded herself swiftly, this was about him. Of course he was going to want sex. He was a healthy adult male in his prime. ‘You’re telling me that you’re interested in other women? I think that’s…’ She hesitated over the word. ‘Great,’ she said firmly. ‘Really great. It means you’re moving on.’
‘Does it?’
‘Of course.’
He turned his head to look at her. ‘You’re not shocked?’
‘That you want a relationship? Of course not. I’m thrilled for you.’
His mouth moved into a slow smile. ‘I didn’t say I wanted a relationship,’ he murmured softly. ‘That might be more complicated. I’m just talking about sex.’
‘Oh—yes, of course.’ Suddenly flustered, Evanna struggled for the right thing to say. ‘Well, I think that—that it’s fine. Whatever works for you. More than anyone, you deserve happiness, Logan.’ Despite the darkness, she could feel him watching her.
‘You’re so sweet. And generous.’ His voice was soft and his hand held hers firmly. ‘You never judge, do you?’
She mustn’t mind that he thought she was sweet. Sweet was a compliment, she told herself firmly. ‘What is there to judge?’
&nbs
p; ‘Plenty of people would.’
‘And does that bother you?’
He gave a soft laugh. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think that you’ve never minded what people say about you. You’ve always done your own thing and, frankly, that’s the only way to be able to live on an island this size. So what’s the problem?’ She tried to put her own feelings aside and respond in the way that she would have done had she not been emotionally involved. ‘Is there someone you like? Someone special? Obviously there must be, or you wouldn’t have suddenly started thinking about…sex.’ She tried to sound relaxed, as if conversations about sex were an everyday occurrence for her. He wanted to talk about it, she told herself, and she should allow him that. It was the least she could do.
The darkness of the garden folded over them, creating an atmosphere of intimacy that seemed to mock her. Here she was, lying in the darkness, on a perfect summer’s evening, holding hands with the man she loved while he told her about another woman that interested him.
‘Maybe. I don’t know. I’m in dangerous territory.’
‘Because you feel guilty about Catherine?’
‘Strangely enough, no. I don’t feel guilty. I probably should, but I don’t. If there’s one thing that I learned from Catherine, it’s that life is to be lived.’
‘That’s true.’ Evanna smiled. ‘She was a very adventurous person. A bit wild. If she were standing here now, she’d probably just want to know why it’s taken you so long. So, if you don’t feel guilty and you’re not worried about what anyone thinks, why is it dangerous territory? What’s holding you back?’
He was looking at her and he still hadn’t let go of her hand. ‘Because I’m not sure that the woman in question is interested in me.’
‘Logan MacNeil, I never heard such nonsense! Women have been falling over you since you first learned to walk. And you’ve never been one to hold back! Just ask her!’