‘I don’t let people get close.’
‘But what sort of life is that?’
There was a moment of silence and then he gave a hollow laugh. ‘I’m not the one lying on the rug crying, Lindsay.’
‘Caring for people and having people care about you is the only really important thing in life.’ It was just because it was dark, she told herself, that it was easy to talk to him.
‘And is it worth caring even when you get hurt?’
‘Even then. It’s what makes us human.’
‘Ah—but you told me only a few days ago that I’m not human, so that explains why we think differently.’
She could hear the trace of humour in his voice. ‘I thought life was straightforward. But everything suddenly seems so complicated.’
‘Relationships always are. That’s why I avoid them.’
‘But you can’t just go through life avoiding relationships. Relationships—love—well, that’s what makes life bearable, isn’t it?’
‘Relationships—maybe. Love? Definitely not. In fact I’d go as far as to say that love is probably one of the things that often makes life unbearable. Believe me, I see it all the time.’
‘But the people you see aren’t in love anymore. Perhaps they never were.’
‘There are other types of relationships.’
‘I know. And that’s where I’ve let Ruby down,’ Lindsay admitted, relieved that it was dark so that he couldn’t see her face. Somehow the dark made it easier to talk. ‘We’re very different like that. I was always worried that she would confuse chemistry with love and I’ve seen so many relationships fall apart because all the couple shared was chemistry. I’ve never contemplated being in a relationship that was just about sex.’
It was a moment before he answered and when he finally spoke his voice was soft in the darkness.
‘Haven’t you?’
A shiver of awareness ripped through her whole body and she didn’t pretend to misunderstand him.
‘Well—maybe I have. Once.’ Her heart was thumping and bumping against her chest, as if it were trying to escape while there was still a chance.
His fingers tightened on her shoulder. ‘You have willpower that most people would envy.’
‘If you’re talking about us, then we would have been a nightmare together, you know we would.’
He gave a low laugh and rolled her gently onto her back. ‘It would have been explosive, tesoro. And you know it. Which is why you’ve been holding back. What’s wrong with sexual attraction, Lindsay?’
‘Nothing, as long as both parties recognise it for what it is. Ruby doesn’t.’
This was the time that she should push him away. This was the time she should tell him that, although she’d realised she’d handled Ruby all wrong, she didn’t want to change the way she lived herself. She wasn’t about to hurl herself from a place of safety into the dangerous unknown of raw sexual excitement.
She should tell him that. She should tell him that right now.
But she couldn’t manage to form the words. Instead her hand slid over his shoulder, feeling the hard curve of male muscle under her seeking fingers.
This level of chemistry wasn’t something she’d ever experienced before—and probably never would again.
If she let it pass, would she regret it?
Would she look back in her old age and think, If only?
Or would she smile and tell her grandchildren that passion wasn’t always dangerous, as long as you recognised it for what it was?
There would be no ‘happy ever after’ with Alessio Capelli, but she knew that, didn’t she? It wasn’t a mistake. It was a choice.