“Right. So maybe it’s time you trusted yourself when you’re not on the mountain. Everyone is scared of something. Being scared doesn’t matter. All that matters is whether you choose to let it influence your decisions.” Jackson finished his beer. “Go home, Ty. Write your letter to Santa and ask him for the courage not to be your own worst enemy. And you’d better hope he delivers, or Brenna will be out of your life, and you’ll be hell to live with.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
BRENNA ROSE BEFORE DAWN and did what she always did when she was upset. She went skiing.
She told herself there were other mountains, other men, but still she felt as if her heart were being crushed by a rock, and the misery clung to her like morning mist, refusing to lift. The sadness was smothering, but she knew she was doing the right thing.
Finally, she was moving forward.
She wasn’t drifting or dreaming.
After her bumps-and-trees class, she drove to her parents’ house, knowing there was one more conversation she needed to have before she could move on with her life.
Her father was out, and her mother took one look at her face and gave a sigh. “I don’t even need to ask.”
“Can I come in? There are things I need to say.” She pulled off her boots, tired of formality, tired of holding back. She’d spoken her mind with Janet and Tyler, and now she intended to do the same with her mother.
Emotional cleansing, she thought. Exhausting but necessary.
They walked into the kitchen and sat at the table with the winter sun sending shafts of light through the window.
She found it harder to speak when she was sitting down, so she stood. “I’m leaving Snow Crystal. I don’t know where I’m going yet, but I’ll be looking for a new job as soon as Christmas is over.”
Her mother stood in the doorway, not moving. “I don’t even need to ask why. I can see it in your face.”
“Good. Because I’m tired of saying one thing and meaning another. I’m tired of hiding, pretending I don’t have feelings when those feelings are so strong, there are days when I could burst with them. I love Tyler.”
Her mother closed her eyes. “Oh, Brenna—”
“That’s right, I love him, and he doesn’t love me back.” She managed to say it without her voice cracking. “And I have to stop wishing and wanting and start living my life, even though I can’t imagine how I’m going to do that when he’s the most important part of that life.”
“I knew this would happen. I warned you.”
“Yes, and I didn’t listen. And that was my choice. I’m an adult, not a child.”
“I didn’t want you to make that mistake.”
Brenna thought of the few days and nights when her life had been so perfect, it hadn’t seemed real. “It doesn’t feel like a mistake, but if it was then it was mi
ne to make. And right now instead of blame and a whole bunch of I told you so’s I could do with a hug because I’ve lost my best friend and—oh, forget it—I don’t expect you to understand. I didn’t come here for sympathy.” She covered her face with her hands, and the next moment she was pulled into her mother’s arms and hugged as she hadn’t been hugged since the last time Tyler had broken her heart.
“I do understand.” Her mother stroked her hair. “I know what you’re feeling, and you have no idea how much I wanted to spare you that, but it was like watching a train crash and not being able to do a thing about it. And if you think I blame you then you’re wrong. How could I blame you? You’re not the first member of this family to fall in love with an O’Neil and get burned.”
Brenna pulled away. Her head throbbed, and her brain ached with thinking. “What are you talking about?”
“I grew up here, as you did.” Her mother sank onto the stool, staring into the distance. “I met Michael when I was four years old.”
“Michael?”
“Michael O’Neil.”
“Tyler’s dad?” Of all the things she’d expected her mother to say, it hadn’t been that. “Oh, my God—”
“No! We never—” her mother shook her head “—it wasn’t like that, but I wanted it to be. Oh, you have no idea how badly I wanted it to be. There wasn’t a day I didn’t dream of something happening between us, but to him it was only ever a friendship.”
Brenna stared at her mother. Scanned the pretty dress and the neat heels. “I— You were in love with Michael?”
“We were friends. And we stayed friends until the day Elizabeth arrived to cook at Snow Crystal. Michael took one look at her, and he was gone. I saw it happen.”