She hadn’t been able to disagree with that.
She’d been emotionally numb and frightened about the future.
Lauren remembered Ed hugging her, telling her it was going to be okay, that they’d rescue each other, and the ache in her chest was almost unbearable.
They’d done that. They’d rescued each other. But now he’d abandoned her.
What was she going to do without him?
They’d had a deal—
“We married right away—” Her voice broke slightly and she cleared her throat. “When Mack was born I remember thinking our family was complete. Perfect. Our life together was perfect.”
She glanced at Mack, who was seated next to Jenna, her features a frozen mask. Lauren’s heart broke for her. She’d done everything she could to give Mack a stable, secure family life but she hadn’t been able to save her from this.
She choked out a few more words. How great Ed was as a provider, what a great friend he was and how much he would be missed.
Standing at the front of the church, trying not to look at the sea of faces, she felt lonelier than she ever had in her life before.
No one had ever told her that it was possible to be an adult and still feel as terrified as a child.
She had a sudden yearning for home, for the community she’d grown up in.
When her father had died, Lauren had flown home and stayed three weeks. The fridge had been so full of food, they hadn’t had to worry about shopping or cooking for the entire duration of her stay. Casseroles had appeared in their kitchen, along with homemade cake. Neighbors made a support list. Her mother was asked to write down anything that needed doing from mowing the lawn to emptying the trash and the tasks were divided between everyone. They’d felt enveloped by the community.
Lauren didn’t feel enveloped. She felt alone and exposed.
She sensed movement and saw her sister reach out and take Mack’s hand.
Jenna, who had taken the first flight she could find so she could be by her side. She was wearing a navy coat and her hair was curling rebelliously in response to relentless English rain. Jenna, whose love and loyalty was never in question.
And Lauren remembered that she wasn’t alone.
She felt a rush of gratitude. Having her sister there helped her to stumble through the last few lines of her speech without blurting out anything scandalous.
She kept thinking about that last conversation she’d had with Ed.
She’s not the problem.
What exactly had he meant by that? She didn’t know, and now she never would.
Saying her own silent farewell, she walked back to her seat.
She felt Jenna slide her hand into hers, as she’d done when they were growing up.
Sisters always stick together.
Lauren tried not to think about how she’d cope once Jenna left. Maybe she could persuade her to move in. There were schools in London. Jenna could teach anywhere and Greg wouldn’t struggle to find work either. Almost everyone she knew needed a therapist, even if they weren’t aware of it themselves.
But she knew Jenna would never leave Martha’s Vineyard.
Maybe she’d go back for longer this summer. In the past they’d been restricted by Ed’s need to be in London, but Ed didn’t need to be anywhere ever again. And if Greg was working then perhaps she, Jenna and Mack could spend some time together.
She was about to lean across and tell Mack she didn’t have to speak if she didn’t want to when her daughter rose to her feet.
She walked to the front of the church. For once her back was straight, as if she’d finally accepted her height.
Since the night of the party she’d been even less communicative.