Getting frustrated with Stacey would only make the situation worse. Why didn’t she act as if she was hurting over her choice to leave as much as he was? She was just like Rachael after all. Only cared about herself.
* * *
Stacey hadn’t counted on there being this much emotional baggage when she left. It had never existed before. When she had become physically involved with Cody she’d feared this might happen but had never considered it would be like carrying a car around on her back. Yet she was determined to put a smile on her face and soldier on. Just because there was a job opening at the clinic, it didn’t mean that she was going to dump all her plans and stay here.
Anyway, given some space, these developing feelings for Cody would probably pass. They had when her fiancé had left her, as well as her stepfather. Now she could talk about those times without even flinching. Given enough time, she would be able to treat thoughts of Cody with the same disregard. She would move on. That’s what she did. Kept moving.
She was kidding herself. This time it was different. She would tie all the sweet memories of Cody and their time together with a pink bow in her mind and take them out to pore over every day forever. She almost groaned out loud.
He studied her a moment. “You know, you are the last person I’d have sworn I would ever think this about, but you really are a coward, aren’t you?”
She dropped the dishcloth into the sink and rounded on him. Her face flushed. How dared he! “What?”
“You are scared.”
“What are you talking about?” Stacey considered herself fearless. She had lived in the jungle, the desert and places with no running water. She wasn’t afraid of anything.
“You can’t even live in the same place for more than a few months at a time because you’re afraid you might care about someone. So what’s the plan? Live in fear all your life?”
“You have real gall to say that to me when you have closed yourself off on an island? You have some nerve.” For a second he felt as if she had struck him.
He bared his teeth. “You don’t know the hell that I...” he pointed outside “...and my girls have lived through. I can’t just open the door and let anyone in.”
“No, I don’t know what you have been through but what I do know is that you can’t put your life on hold because you are afraid of it happening again. Somehow you’re going to have to learn to let go enough to let people in and, when they’re old enough, let your girls go. When I got here you were so closed off that I was afraid if you smiled your face would crumble. You couldn’t even take a joke!”
“I let you in!”
“You did.” She shook her head. “But only enough to have sex with me. I was easy, though.” She raised her hand to stop him from speaking. “Not that kind of easy. Easy for you because I was only going to be here for a month. That way you didn’t have to give too much of yourself or make a commitment. I was a safe bet. You didn’t have to worry about me being the wrong choice because you knew I wasn’t going to stay around.” She harrumphed. “I was both the right and wrong choice. Right for a fling and wrong for you in the long haul. Which made me perfect.” She chuckled dryly.
“Why do you think you’re wrong for me for the long haul?”
“For starters, I don’t know anything about being a mother. I probably had one of the worst. She spent all her time worrying about keeping her man or getting the next one. I mostly raised myself. You need a woman who would be attentive to your girls. I don’t know how to do that.”
He pointed toward the table. “That’s bull. I just watched you with them a few minutes ago. And when you were helping them with their costumes. You’re a natural. That’s just one more of your excuses.”
“You told me once you wanted a marriage like your parents have and hadn’t got it. That doesn’t mean it isn’t out there for you. The right woman will come along. You just have to open up enough to let her in.” The idea of Cody having another woman permanently in his life made Stacey almost lose her breakfast.
“Now you’re giving me marriage advice,” he stated incredulously. “The woman who won’t stay in one place long enough to have a relationship. That’s laughable.” But he wasn’t laughing.
“You are right. I have no business telling you how to run your life. Really I don’t.”
His shoulders slumped as if he were defeated. “I grew up believing marriage was forever. Permanent. Then addiction destroyed it all. Now I’m gun-shy. Afraid to trust or believe in anyone. Particularly where the girls are concerned.”