She should have said it before. She should have told them every single day how wonderful they were.
“Oh, honey, I know. You’re a smart, strong, wonderful woman and I’m so proud of you.” She squeezed Hannah’s hand. “I’m always here, if you need me. I hope you know that.”
Hannah realized that her mother—and she did think of her as her mother—always put her family before herself. “Has it upset you, talking to Luke?”
“Quite the opposite. He’s living a good life. It does me good to know that. It does me good to know he still goes into the mountains, that he doesn’t blame me for his parents’ death. He carries the past, of course, but it hasn’t shaped him.”
It had shaped her, Hannah thought. She’d let it shape her. She’d let it dominate her choices. Not just the accident, but her relationship with her father.
That was going to change. She didn’t know anything about raising a child, but she knew she didn’t want it to be afraid of the world. Protecting yourself locked out hurt some of the time, but it locked out the good stuff, too.
“It’s good to be home, Mom.” She felt relaxed and comfortable in a way that she never had before.
There was a sheen in Suzanne’s eyes. “It’s good having you home.” She cleared her throat and stood up. “Why don’t I make us some tea? It’s going to be a long night. I thought I’d do homemade pizza for the children. They can help with the toppings. That will occupy them for a while.”
“I’ll sort out toppings.” Hannah went to the fridge and pulled out cheese, olives, mushrooms and ham.
“If you chop them up and put them in bowls, that would be great. Ruby loves putting them on the pizza herself.”
Hannah found a knife and a chopping board. She’d never done this before, worked side by side in the kitchen with her mother.
“You’re probably wondering about Adam.” Hannah sliced ham and dropped it into one of the bowls. “I haven’t mentioned him because I—well, my relationships don’t usually work out, and then I feel bad that I’ve disappointed you.”
“Disappointed me?” Suzanne abandoned the dough. “You could never disappoint me. I hope I’ve made that clear tonight.”
“I know it’s what you want for me.”
“All I want is for you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Suzanne brushed the flour from her hands. “I want you to have the best life possible.”
Hannah smiled. “You want me to be married with ten kids.”
“That’s not true.” Suzanne smiled, too. “Well, maybe it’s a little true. Ten kids might be a few too many. For what it’s worth, I like Adam. He
was prepared to take a chance. I like a man who isn’t afraid to take a risk for love. It suggests a certain boldness, and I admire that.”
She admired it, too. Maybe she’d even find inspiration in it.
“I’m pregnant, Mom.” She looked for surprise in Suzanne’s face and didn’t see it. “You knew? I told Dad, I assumed he’d—”
“Your dad would never discuss anything the two of you talked about in private.”
“Then how—”
“I heard you being sick. Posy closed the door and started hollering Christmas carols. Lord knows I love your sister, but I don’t love her singing, and given that I’m pretty sure she wasn’t doing it for my entertainment, I’m assuming she knows, too.”
“She took me to buy a test when I arrived. I should have told you first.” And now she wished she had. She wished she’d asked advice instead of keeping everything to herself. “I haven’t told Adam. I’m still figuring out how best to do that.”
Suzanne nodded. “You’re the smartest person I know. You’ll work it out. And if you need to talk, I’m here. I’m pleased you felt able to talk to your sister and your dad.”
Thinking about her dad made her check the time. “Is it worth calling them?”
Beth clearly had the same thought, because she walked into the kitchen looking anxious. “Should we call Dad and Posy?”
Suzanne shook her head. “Dad will call when he can. I don’t want to take his mind off the job.”
Beth sat down on the nearest chair. “I hate thinking of them out in this storm. I don’t know how you stand it. I’m trying not to catastrophize, but it’s not easy.” She picked a piece of ham out of the bowl and nibbled on it. “You two are looking serious. Were you talking about Dad?”
Suzanne said nothing and Hannah knew she was leaving the decision on how much to say up to her.