Some of the bleakness left his eyes and he cupped her face in his hands and stared down at her.
'You're a nice person, Ellie Harrison, do you know that? You deserve to meet a fantastic man who'll make you happy.'
She was choking on her tears. 'I've already done that.'
He shook his head and released her immediately. 'Don't say that, Ellie. After everything I've told you, surely you can see how impossible it is.'
'Because of my age?'
'Not just that. Also your total lack of experience. Sooner or later you'll decide you want more.'
'Ben, I'm not like your wife. I like to party sometimes, but I'm equally happy curled up at home or walking in the hills. And I might not have slept with anyone before last night, but that was through choice. It never felt right before.'
'And last night felt right?'
'Oh, yes.' Her eyes were misty. 'Totally right.'
Ben looked at her in disbelief. 'Ellie, I ripped your clothes off and made love to you without any preliminaries at all. It was wild and primitive and I was very rough with you. It was hardly the way you must have imagined your first time would be.'
'No, it was miles more exciting,' she whispered, and he groaned and ran a hand over his face.
'Don't do this to me, Ellie. It won't work.'
She stood on tiptoe and kissed his rough cheek. 'It would work. If you'd only learn to show your feelings instead of keeping them locked up inside. Just remember that I love you, and I'm always here for you. I won't ever change my mind. And if it takes you ten years to decide that you want to be with me, I'll still be here.'
And with that she turned on her heel and walked quickly back to the cabin, leaving him with his thoughts.
Ben stared at the X-ray without seeing it. Instead he saw Ellie's wide-eyed, trusting expression as he thrust into her and sought oblivion.
He'd used her to escape from the agony that pursued him, and for a brief moment he'd succeeded.
But in trying to wipe out one problem, he'd created another.
He closed his eyes briefly and breathed in deeply.
What had he done?
For the first time in his life his rigid code of self-discipline had let him down. He'd acted purely for selfish reasons, using wild, out-of-control sex to drive tortured thoughts from his head.
And now he had to face the consequences.
Ellie wanted more, and he couldn't give her more.
He wasn't prepared to take that risk.
'Er—Ben? Dr MacAllister?'
He suddenly remembered Will standing next to him. 'Sorry—what did you say?'
Will cleared his throat. 'I thought there was a fracture of the ulna but the radius seems OK.'
Ben blinked and focused again on the X-ray. 'What's the history?'
'She slipped on the ice and fell onto her outstretched hand.'
Ben nodded. 'It's rare to fracture one bone in isolation,' he told the other doctor as he stared at the X-ray again. Look for a second dislocation injury. In this case, she's dislocated the radial head.'
Will looked again. 'But—' He broke off and his face cleared as he stared at the X-ray. 'Yes, you're right. I do see it now.'