'My feelings aren't confused. They're very clear,' she said firmly. 'And I knew that I loved you before we spent the night together.'
His jaw clenched. 'Why? Why did you come to my cabin last night?'
'Because I was worried about you.' She stepped closer to him and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 'I thought you might need someone. And you did.'
He stared down at her and for a brief moment she thought he was going to drag her into his arms again, but then he moved away from her and turned towards the lake so she could no longer see his expression.
'I did need someone—' his voice was harsh '—but I wish it hadn't been you. Especially after what you've just told me.'
'Why?'
'Because now you're going to expect something I'm not in a position to give.' He turned to face her, his eyes devoid of expression. 'I can't be in a relationship with you, Ellie. And if that hurts you, I'm sorry.'
The wall was back. The impenetrable defence that he put between himself and the outside world.
'What hurts me is that you won't confide in anyone,' she said quietly. 'It isn't good to bottle things up. And don't pretend that there's nothing wrong. I may be young, but I'm not blind or stupid. I see what happens to you every time you go near Resus. You should talk about it, Ben. It might help.'
There was a long silence while he stared at her, and then his mouth tightened. 'All right,' he said finally. 'After last night I owe you an explanation. At least then you'll understand why this thing between us would never work.'
Ellie shivered slightly, not just because of the freezing air, but also because of his icy tone and the bleak expression in his eyes. He was only wearing a shirt and she desperately wanted to suggest that they go inside, but she was afraid that he might change his mind about talking to her.
'My wife was very young when I met her. Just seventeen.'
Ellie flinched slightly. Dear God, it hadn't occurred to her that he might be married.
Hiding her disquiet, she prompted him gently. 'Go on.'
'I was twenty-three, just finishing med school. I wasn't keen to get married too quickly, I wanted her to go to university and have a life, but she insisted that she loved me and wanted to marry me.' His laugh was bitter. 'In fact, what she loved was the fact that I was almost a doctor. It sounds glamorous when you're a teenager.'
Ellie stared at him. 'So you married her?'
'Yes, on her eighteenth birthday.'
'And then what happened?'
He shrugged. 'We were happy enough, or at least I thought we were. I knew that she resented the long hours I worked, but I thought she knew what she was taking on before she married me. Being married to a doctor is never easy. She was young, she wanted a social life, and I tried to take her out as much as I could.'
Knowing just how hard most doctors worked, particularly in the first years of their career, Ellie thought it sounded exhausting.
'And?'
'And eventually we had a baby.'
A baby…
Something in his tone sent a cold tingle down her spine.
This was going to be bad.
She had one of her feelings.
'Don't tell me, she felt trapped because she couldn't go out?'
He stared into the blackness of the lake, lost in thought, and then finally stirred, drawing in breath and giving a short laugh. 'Oh, she went out.'
Ellie stayed still, waiting for him to tell her the rest. He wasn't looking at her now, all his attention focused on the lake, but she knew that he hadn't finished the story.
'She'd wait for me to come home from work, fling our daughter at me and then go off to a party until the early hours.'