‘I guess I have the answer to my question,’ Patrick muttered. ‘Alfie, watch your manners.’
‘Leave it,’ Daniel said softly, lifting a hand to his brother. ‘Alfie, what exactly did Stella say?’
‘She didn’t say anything. I went over there to just hang out, like we always do…’ Alfie sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve ‘…and then I saw all this job stuff all over the table. And she was filling out forms. And she looked really sad. When she opened the door her eyes were all red and funny and I knew she’d been crying, but she said she was fine.’
‘Then what happened?’
‘She made me hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream.’
‘No, I mean…’ It was a struggle to keep his voice calm. ‘How did you find out she was thinking of leaving? Did she say something?’
‘I asked her about the job and she said she couldn’t stay here and I said why not, don’t you love us, and she said, yes, that was the point, she loved us too much and it was all too hard or something weird like that.’ Alfie sucked in a breath. ‘And I said she ought to marry you, Uncle Daniel. And then her face went all funny and she said that you didn’t want to marry anyone and you don’t want kids and she does.’ His face crumpled. ‘Why don’t you want kids? Is it our fault? Were we bad? Don’t you like us any more?’ He started to sob and Daniel tugged the boy into his arms.
‘I love you, Alfie,’ he said gruffly. ‘You know I do. And you weren’t bad. You were fantastic.’
‘So why don’t you want any of your own? Don’t you love Stella?’
Patrick sighed. ‘OK, enough. Alfie, this stuff is complicated and it’s private. It’s between Stella and Daniel—you can’t interfere. I know you think you understand but, believe me, you don’t.’
‘But she’s sad and I want to help.’ Alfie wriggled out of Daniel’s arms. ‘That’s what friends do, right?’
‘Yes,’ Daniel said gruffly. ‘That’s what friends do.’
Stella was taking another job? She was leaving?
‘If you loved us, you’d marry Stella so that she wouldn’t have to go away and then we’d all be together.’ Alfie stared at him accusingly and Patrick intervened again.
‘I said enough. Alfie, you have to let Daniel and Stella sort it out by themselves.’
‘But Stella is going to go away, and she loves Daniel.’ Alfie stared up at Daniel accusingly. ‘Why don’t you want kids? Did you hate looking after us?’
‘No. I didn’t hate it.’ Daniel ran his hand over the back of his neck. ‘But it was a big responsibility and I got to hand you back after four days.’ Sensing that his relationship with Alfie was going to be seriously damaged if he didn’t give a proper explanation, he chose his words carefully. ‘It isn’t about not wanting kids, Alfie. But having kids is a huge thing. It’s an important job—the most important job. If you get it wrong, you can really mess up someone’s life. Do you understand?’
Alfie shook his head. ‘No. I know your mum and dad always argued. And they didn’t do any of the fun stuff at Christmas. Dad told me. But you’re not like them. You and Stella are great. And if you have kids, it wouldn’t be like that. You’d be a great dad.’
Out of his depth, Daniel looked at Patrick. ‘Say something.’
‘What?’ Patrick folded his arms, his expression implacable. ‘I happen to think that my son is talking sense. You would be a great dad.’
Realising that he wasn’t going to get any help from his brother, Daniel let out a breath. ‘I’m afraid that if I have children, I’ll mess them up,’ he confessed in a raw tone. ‘I’m scared that I’ll get it all wrong. Like I did when I looked after you and Posy.’
Alfie frowned. ‘You didn’t get it wrong.’
‘I scratched your favourite DVD, I broke your toy car, I let Posy have juice on the sofa.’ Daniel waved his hand. ‘The list is endless. Do I really need to carry on?’
‘That’s the first I’ve heard about the juice,’ Patrick muttered, but Daniel and Alfie ignored him.
‘Kids don’t care about that sort of thing.’ Alfie’s eyes were wide as he stared up at Daniel. ‘Grown-ups don’t have to be perfect. We don’t need grown-ups to be perfect—we just need them to always be there and not go away. And you were there. When Posy was sick, you were there. You took time off work to watch cartoons with her and I know how boring that is because she only likes baby stuff. And when you broke things, you tried to fix them. And when it all went wrong and it was hard work, you were still here. You didn’t go away when it got too much.’ His voice wobbled slightly. ‘Not like Mum did.’
Patrick made a sound but Alfie was looking at Daniel. ‘And you hate cooking, but you did it anyway.’
Stunned by Alfie’s passionate speech, Daniel gave a crooked smile. ‘I burned your hand and I almost poisoned you.’
‘Don’t worry. I’ve bought you a cookery book for Christmas.’ Alfie scuffed his foot on the floor. ‘I’m sorry I shouted.’
‘And I’m sorry I upset you,’ Daniel said gruffly, pulling him into another hug. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Are you going to fix things with Stella?’