‘Great. Then you can spend the rest of the day with us and help us decorate it.’ Alfie was looking much more cheerful. ‘We can toast marshmallows and watch a Christmas movie on the television, like we did two Christmases ago.’
Two Christmases ago when her heart had been breaking and she’d cuddled Alfie, wondering why she’d had to choose between the man she wanted and the family she longed for.
Stella swallowed. Could she spend the day with Daniel? She felt as though someone was tying ropes around her, preventing her escaping from a situation that was becoming more and more difficult. ‘We’ll see.’
‘Don’t say “We’ll see”. That always means “No”.’ Alfie looked at her pleadingly. ‘Promise you’ll come and help us decorate it afterwards.’
Stella’s mouth moved without any intervention from her brain. ‘I promise.’
‘Great.’ Bouncing with excitement, Alfie turned back to the house. ‘I’ll just put Mary and Joseph inside, then I’ll take Gabriel from you.’
Stella looked down at the kitten in her arms. ‘This is Gabriel?’
‘Yes. You can tell because of the black splodge on his ear.’ Alfie darted inside the house and Stella was suddenly painfully conscious of Daniel watching her.
Perhaps she should have said no. She should have made some excuse. Choosing a Christmas tree with Daniel and two gorgeous children was going to be something close to torture.
But it was illogical to think about what might have been when she knew it never would have been. That was why they’d parted, wasn’t it? Because they both wanted different things.
He was looking after Patrick’s children because he was fiercely loyal to his brother, not because he had a secret wish to be a father.
‘Sorry.’ His tone was rough and apologetic. ‘I didn’t intend you to be roped into helping.’
‘I love the children.’ The conversation was stilted. Polite and formal. They were behaving like strangers, not two people who had been lovers. Two people who had shared everything.
‘I thought if I took them to buy a tree, it might take their minds off their dad leaving. And I think I’m probably better at doing outdoor stuff than indoor stuff.’ Daniel gave a rueful glance at the red marks on the wall and Stella smiled.
‘That will come off with a good scrub. And I think it’s a great idea to take them to the forest to get the tree. Once you’ve decorated the house, they’ll be too excited about Christmas to think too much about Patrick. Christmas routines always do that.’ She saw something flicker in his eyes and remembered what Alfie had said about Daniel’s experience of Christmas.
But she had no idea what that was, and she had no opportunity to ask because Alfie reappeared and Patrick pulled up in the car.
Stella hugged him, wished him luck on his trip and then retreated to the stable to dress in something suitable for an excursion to the forest in winter.
Part of her wanted to back out of the trip, but she knew that if she did that Alfie would be disappointed and she didn’t want that to happen. She’d chosen to come back, she reminded herself. Patrick and the children were part of her life and Daniel was a part of their lives. If the only way she could cope with not being with him was to avoid him, she wasn’t doing very well, was she?
The forest was like a winter playground and the children soon forgot about Patrick’s absence, enchanted by the volume of snow.
‘We haven’t had snow like this for years. No, Posy—don’t take your boots off.’ Daniel bent down and scooped her up, shaking his head in frustration. ‘You can’t walk in the snow in bare feet.’
‘You remembered boots and a coat.’ Stella retrieved the boots. ‘I’m impressed.’
‘Posy hates her boots,’ Alfie told them, scooping snow into a ball. Then he gave an impish smile and lobbed the snow straight at Daniel.
Shaking snow out of his hair, Daniel carefully handed a startled Posy to Stella and then turned on his nephew. Alfie gave a squeal of delighted anticipation and sprinted up the snowy path, slipping and sliding until Daniel caught up with him. They both tumbled in the snow, rolling and play-fighting until both of them were covered in clumps of freezing white powder.
‘Me, too.’ Posy wriggled in her arms and Stella deftly slid the child’s feet back into her boots and let her run towards the others.
For a moment Stella just stood still, enjoying the peace of her surroundings. The air was crisp and cold and she could smell wood smoke.
It was a perfect winter day.
A couple walked passed her, smiling towards Daniel and Alfie who were still rolling. ‘That’s how a father is supposed to behave.’ The woman laughed and Stella managed a smile.
‘Yes.’ She wondered what Daniel would say if he’d heard that comment.
That the last thing in the world he wanted was commitment and the responsibility of children.
But he was taking his responsibility seriously, wasn’t he?