Had Ryan woken up?
Maybe she should have left a note, but what would she have said?
Thanks for the best sex of my life.
“Can we dig in the sand?” Lizzy sounded hopeful, and Emily turned to look at her, wondering why everything felt different.
“Yes. Let’s do it. Right now.” Before this new version of herself vanished. Before she went back to being the person she’d been the day before.
They both changed into swimming things and pulled on shorts and T-shirts. Then Emily gathered up a blanket along with the bucket and spade and walked along the short sandy path that led directly to the beach.
Most of the tourists chose to stay on the beaches close to the harbor, and there was only one other family on Shell Bay.
Emily put the blanket down, and Lizzy stripped down to her swimsuit and started digging. “Can we build a boat?”
Emily would have preferred something a little less challenging for her first sand sculpture, but she gamely set her mind to scooping out the hull of a boat, using her hands to fashion seats and a prow while Lizzy filled and refilled the bucket.
They dug together for half an hour, and then Emily straightened and stripped off her shorts and tee. She dug her hand into her bag and surreptitiously checked her phone, but there were no messages.
Disappointment hovered like a cloud over her happiness.
Lizzy glanced up at her. “Skylar says red is your color.”
“Does she? And what’s your color? Pink?”
Lizzy shook her head and patted down the sand. “Turquoise. Like the sea.”
Close by, the other family was playing a ball game, and when the ball came flying in their direction, Emily caught it and threw it back.
She hadn’t intended to walk to the water’s edge, but somehow that was where she ended up, and she stood with her toes curling into the damp sand, feeling the lick of the tide on her ankles. Ahead of her lay the vastness of the ocean, an infinity of blue merging with the summer sky on a horizon so straight it could have been drawn by a child with a ruler.
The expanse of water made her catch her breath, and she turned her head, needing to see land, and there right behind her was Castaway Cottage, looking over the beach like a benevolent friend. It was impossible to believe anything bad could happen within sight of the cottage and easy to see why Kathleen had bought it all those years ago. It was the perfect Maine beach house, a retreat that most people could only dream of owning.
Lizzy dropped the bucket and ran to her side. “Are you going in the sea?”
“Yes.” Up until that point, she hadn’t realized that had always been her intention. “I am.”
“Can I come? I haven’t swum in the sea yet, but Rachel said I was ready.”
She wanted to refuse. She still wasn’t sure she was ready to do it herself, let alone take someone else with her.
On the other hand, if this was a test, then she might as well make it the ultimate test.
“I want you to use your float.”
Lizzy ran off and returned moments later carrying it.
Maybe she should have waited for Ryan. He would have come with her, she knew, but she also knew this was something she had to do by herself. It was her fear to conquer, and no one could do that for her. It felt as if she’d climbed almost to the top of Everest and was only a few steps from the summit. She didn’t have to do this, but she knew she would never feel whole until she did.
She told herself that she knew this beach, that she’d watched the ebb and flow of the tide enough times to know how the beach shelved. Here, in the perfect curve of Shell Cove, there were no dangerous currents, no riptides. The safety of the swimming was one of the many reasons Brittany was constantly being bothered by people wanting to buy the land. There was surely no more perfect spot in the whole of Maine.
She took a single step forward, and Lizzy took her hand, dancing over the small waves without fear.
“It’s freezing!” She
squealed and laughed, while Emily watched, entertained and a little envious.
Had she ever been that carefree?