The following morning she sensed the change in him.
The warmth, the humor, the closeness, were gone. Instead his reaction to her was almost…polite.
She watched him, bemused, her insides plummetin
g like an elevator with mechanical failure. “Lucas?”
“This thing between us has moved into an area I never wanted it to go.”
She hadn’t expected him to be quite so direct, or say those words quite yet.
She’d been hoping for more time, even though she knew there was no more time to be had.
She wanted him to stop talking. She didn’t want to hear what he was about to say because she knew it signaled the end.
“You mean because I told you I love you? I freaked you out.”
“We’ve known each other for a month, that’s all.”
“And it’s been the best month of my life. It isn’t the length of a relationship that matters, Lucas, it’s the depth. Don’t you ever wonder why some people are together for years without ever getting married, and then one of them meets someone and that’s it. They’re married within a month.”
His face was expressionless. “Are you proposing?”
“No! I’m saying we’ve spent more time together in the past month that most people do in six months of dating. And I love you. I refuse to lie about that.” She saw the tension stamped in his handsome features.
“This can’t happen, Eva.”
“You’re saying I don’t matter to you.”
“You matter to me. But you want the fairy tale. I could never give you that.”
“Oh, Lucas.” She felt a rush of sadness and mixed in with the sadness was frustration that he still didn’t get it. “The fairy tale isn’t Prince Charming or magical unicorns. It’s love. What I want is to love someone, and for them to love me back. For me, that’s the fairy tale.”
“Love isn’t what you think it is.”
“It isn’t what you think it is. Love isn’t a curse, Lucas, it’s a gift.” She took a breath and then a risk. Why not? At this point she had nothing more to lose. “I’m offering you that gift. All of my heart, forever.”
His face was chalk white. “Eva—”
“I love you, and I know it’s been fast and maybe it’s crazy to say those words after such a short time, but I know this is real and good. We’re good. You make me happy. With you I’ve never once felt as if I had to put on an act, or hide how I was feeling. It may have been a short relationship, but it was the most honest, real relationship I’ve ever had.” She tried to explain. “Sometimes when you date someone, it takes ages to see who they really are. That didn’t happen with us. You cared how I was feeling. It was only when I was with you that I realized how exhausting it is pretending to be okay all the time, when really you don’t feel okay at all. And that’s not a reflection on my friends, it’s a reflection on me. I was the one putting pressure on myself to always be happy and positive. With you, I didn’t feel I had to do that. Thanks to you, I feel better than I have for over a year. And I’ve talked and talked and now it’s your turn.”
He wore a hunted look and the hand he dragged through his hair was unsteady. “I don’t know what to say.”
Disappointment thudded through her. “There were a few things I was hoping you’d say, and that wasn’t one of them.” He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and then let his hand drop. “You say I make you happy, but for how long? How long would that last? What happens when you wake up one morning and discover I don’t make you happy any longer? I don’t want to be the one who kills your optimism or your illusions. I don’t want that responsibility.”
“So don’t kill them. Tell me you love me, too, and we’ll spend the rest of our lives making each other happy.”
“You really think it’s that simple?”
“I think it can be if you let it.”
“I disagree.”
Her heart felt as if someone had crushed it.
Summoning the last of her strength, she straightened her shoulders. “I never thought you were a coward.”
“I tell you I’m protecting you, and you call me a coward?”