Her throat felt thick and her eyes stung. Inside she felt raw and vulnerable.
She should be the one sitting with her head on Matt’s shoulder. And she would have been, if she wasn’t so stupid.
“Walk with me.” Paige’s voice came from behind her and Frankie turned to see her friend dressed in workout gear, her hair pulled into a ponytail.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were at Jake’s.” She’d been relying on the fact she could stay in Paige’s room. Roxy was in her apartment. Staying at Matt’s wasn’t an option after what had just happened. Where would she go?
“I was there last night but he has to work today so I came back for my spin class.”
Frankie noticed the bottle of water in her hand. “So you’d better go. You don’t want to be late.”
“I’m not in the mood for a spin class. I’d rather talk to you.” Paige glanced across the park to where Eva and Matt were sitting.
Frankie rubbed her fingers over her forehead, scared by how close she was to crying. “I’m not good at talking.” Maybe if she was better at talking and sharing her feelings, she wouldn’t be in this mess.
“So I’ll do some of the talking.” Paige slipped her arm through Frankie’s and started to walk, giving Frankie no choice but to walk with her. “You know there’s nothing going on there, don’t you?”
“What? Oh, yes. She’s giving him a shoulder to cry on. Being a good friend, because he’s upset.” And that was her fault. Her fault. She wanted to talk to Paige, but as usual the words wouldn’t come. The only person she’d found it easy to talk to was Matt. What did you do when the problem you wanted to talk about was with the only person you could talk to? “I hurt your brother. I’m sorry.” Sorry was a pathetically pale apology for the guilt and regret she was feeling right now.
“He’s tough. He’ll survive. Right now I’m more worried about you.” It was typical of Paige. Her loyalty to her friends was unshakeable.
Frankie stopped. “Mom came to the apartment this morning.”
Paige nodded. “Ev texted me.”
“Is that why you’re here?”
“I was coming, anyway,” Paige hedged. “What did she say? Another boyfriend? She’s moved on from that guy we met in the flower market?”
“He dumped her. But this time she cared. She really cared. She was crying.” Frankie wiped her hand over her forehead, feeling her tension levels rise. “It reminded me of before.”
“Those were bad times.” Paige’s gaze was sympathetic. “I’m starting to understand why you freaked out.”
“She told me that finally she agreed with me that avoiding relationships was a good thing.”
Paige twisted the top off her water. “And since when did you ever find yourself in agreement with your mother?”
Frankie felt even more foolish. But she knew that it wasn’t enough to know intellectually that she was being stupid. She needed to feel it. She needed to believe it.
“How do I stop feeling this way? I don’t want to feel this way.” She was desperate and Paige gave her a searching look.
“I presume I’m right in thinking that you’re in love with Matt?”
It was the same question Matt himself had asked, and she hadn’t been able to answer him.
It was as if the words and feelings were jammed up behind everything in her past.
“I don’t know.” But she did know, didn’t she? That was the problem. She knew, and that was why she was so scared. Of all the situations she’d faced in her life, she’d never faced this one. She sent her friend an agonized glance. “All right, yes! I’m in love with Matt. I’m crazy about Matt. And it’s the most terrifying thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Paige’s gaze softened. “Have you told him?”
“No. And he hadn’t said anything to me, either, until this morning. It came out as part of this weird conversation about my mother.”
Paige’s eyebrows rose. “Matt told you he loved you in front of your mother?”
“It was after she left.”
“Bad timing.” Paige took a sip of water. “Now I understand why you’re terrified. But you’re not your mother, Frankie. You’ve never lived your life the way she lives hers. You make your own choices, and you always have. If she told you to give up your work, would you do it?”