bsp; “Not even close.” He smudged his thumb under her eye. “And why do you think I said you were mine?”
“Egotism? Thinking with your cock?”
His smile made her hunch her shoulders in case any tears of relief tried to sneak through. Next she’d be dissolve into sex-tears, which would be even worse. “No. Well, maybe a little. But the main reason is that I love you too.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do,” he said, smiling indulgently. He probably thought she was nuts.
Maybe she was.
She batted away his restraining hands and climbed off the bed, needing to move. To pace off the energy and nerves fighting for dominance inside her. “No, you don’t. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have foisted me on Jax. You would’ve let me come to your doctor’s appointment. You wouldn’t have allowed me to cry on your shoulder in my sleep and pushed me away when I wanted to be there for you.”
“I was wrong. I made mistakes. Give me a chance to get it right.”
His voice scarcely intruded into her thoughts. She couldn’t stop now. “And when I told you I was leaving, that I was finally going to live my dream, you wouldn’t have said ‘good luck’ and walked away from me. You would’ve said you were coming too, or that you’d join me later, that we could try to make it work. Because that’s what you do for someone you love.” Crying openly, she turned to face him. “I’ve never had that, but God, I want it. I’d do it for you. If you would have told me you were going to schedule surgery, I would’ve put Frank off. But you didn’t. You told me after. That’s not good enough. It will kill me to walk away from you, but I have to, Chase.”
He stared at her for a long moment, then came around the bed and gripped her hands. “Try to do it,” he said fiercely. “Try to walk out that door and see how far you get.”
“See? That’s what I mean. First you want to knock me up—or whatever the hell your problem was before—and now you want to kidnap me. Chains aren’t love. Love’s about being free to make the choice to be together. You can’t command me to stay here. To choose you over my music.” She rubbed her damp cheek against her shoulder, smearing her tears over her skin. “I chose my mom all those years, and when she needed to go, she went. If you asked me to stay here with you, I would. And then I’ll be left again when you move on. Please don’t ask me to lose my chance.”
“I’m not.” He brushed his lips over her forehead. “I wouldn’t. I’m asking you to let me live your dream with you. To share it. That’s all.”
She tried to speak and found she couldn’t do much more than gasp. “What?”
He let go of her hands and walked over to his jeans, picking them up off the floor. Fumbling in the back pocket, he dug out a folded, worn piece of paper. Smoothing it against his chest, he came back to her and held it out. She took it with shaking fingers and shot him a quizzical glance. “My Palladio show poster?”
“I ripped it down to put it on my refrigerator, not throw it out. And if you think you can keep that one, you’re wrong. It’s mine.” He snatched it back and gave her a grin. “I plan on collecting them from every show you have, greedy bastard that I am. But, you know, that means I need to be there.” He stepped closer and locked his hands around her waist. “I don’t want to knock you up to prevent you from living your dream. Let’s be serious. You know me. I’d warp a child. I’d forget to make him a snack for school or worse I’d send him in with something totally lame and his classmates would all laugh at him. Then he’d need years of therapy and it would be all my fault.”
“That’s not true. You’d be a good father.” She gave in to the urge to chew on her ragged thumbnail. She’d work on her bad habits tomorrow. “Eventually. It might take some work. I like projects.”
He laughed and pulled her close. “Let’s go see the world, baby.”
She was afraid to believe it. How could something she’d never dared dream actually be materializing before her eyes? “You’re serious. This isn’t some elaborate joke.”
“I’m completely serious. I’m not saying you’re getting some big prize, considering right now I’m a recovering alcoholic, busted-up ex-ball player and current half-assed bodyguard, but I’m yours.” He swiveled his hips against hers and heat flared to life in his sexy eyes. “Maybe with some of that work you mentioned, I might even be presentable someday. I’m finally handling the injury and I’m going to AA meetings again—” He sighed. “Okay, I skipped one this week, but overall, I’m getting there.”
“It’s a great start.” She had to grin at his sulky expression. God, he’d kill her if she told him he was adorable when he pouted. “You’re perfect as you are. Absolutely perfect. I love everything about you.”
“That’s overstating things a bit, but okay. I’ll concede to your assessment.” Grinning, he lowered his mouth to hers, only to have her nudge him back.
“And if you decide you want to get back into ball, I’ll be there for you every step of the way. We’ll figure it out somehow. We’ll make it work.” Then she frowned, reality crowding out the excitement already bubbling under her skin. “Wait. Your surgery. You can’t go.”
“Yes, I can. I’m going to follow you in my SUV. The day before my surgery, I’ll drive back and get it taken care of. Then once I’m fit for consumption, I’ll meet up with you wherever you are. There will be times, especially in the beginning, that I’ll need to stay in the city for rehab. But once I’m cleared, I’ll figure out a way to do PT on the road. Dr. Jensen’s the best and he says it’s doable. In the meantime, Jax can fill in for your security.” He swallowed. “Assuming you still want security. If you don’t, I’ll just go as your boyfriend.”
“Just my boyfriend?”
He grimaced. “That term does kind of suck once someone’s past fifteen. All right, I’m up for suggestions. What do you prefer? Anything but beau, because that sounds weird—”
Scaling him like she’d once vaulted up the ropes in gym, she launched herself into his arms and knocked him back on the bed. Laughing, he held on to her as they bounced on the mattress and nearly fell on the floor, finally managing to right themselves. She slanted her mouth over his and kissed him with every bit of the joy coursing through her veins, wondering if they had time for another quickie before she—before they—had to get on the road.
“Ah, screw it,” she decided, taking him in hand and parting her thighs.
“Uh uh.” He tapped her nose. “Need a condom, remember?”
“Spoilsport.” Grinning slyly, she gave him a long, slow stroke. “Guess I’ll be looking into those birth control pills, since we’re going to be a long-term thing and all.”
He nodded soberly. “Extremely long-term.”