“I didn’t. That’s the problem. If I had, maybe they would have left Margo alone. I didn’t know.” He slapped his hand over mine. “I swear it. I just kept giving them all my own money. I just wanted to start over. To be someone else.”
His heart raced under my palm.
His eyes were shattered. “I didn’t want to be the gutter rat who fleeced people because my mum was always looking for a better life. She’d go from guy to guy, always looking for the one who could give her more. I thought maybe if I could take care of her, she’d stop. I was so stupid.”
“But a bank? How could you think you’d get away with it?”
His hold on my hand gentled, but he didn’t let me go. “It was a long time ago. I was young and beyond stupid. The quick cash was all I saw. And then everything went wrong. I should have went to jail. I don’t even know how Jerry got me out of it. I have no idea who he paid off, but I was free. At least I thought I was.” He gave a harsh laugh. “Jail probably would have been better than the time I’ve been serving.”
I still didn’t understand it, but then again I came from a middle income home in upstate New York. Not exactly the same as Ian. Would I have made different choices if people hadn’t loved and supported me?
“And your mom…” I didn’t know how to ask it. He’d already hinted that she might not be stable. “Will she hurt her?”
He turned his arm outward and I shut my eyes against the mark. “No, open your eyes and see this. You wanted to know. Here’s your proof.”
My eyes burned as I opened them and brushed my thumb over the ruined pink flesh.
His voice was raspy. “She plays up the charm with such sweetness and fragility to lure you in so you’ll do anything for her. And God, I would. Know why I got this?”
I wanted to shut my eyes against the pain churning inside of him. “I got the flu. A raging
fever and all I wanted was my mum to stay home with me. But she had a party to go to. An important one and I got sick on her pretty dress.” He gave a harsh laugh. “I got this as a reminder that I could only count on me.”
I swallowed down a sob. It wouldn’t help him. And I had a feeling tears were often used on him by his mother. One more weapon.
“So, the answer is yes. She’s dangerous because I never knew what would set her off. And that’s why I have to help them. Why I won’t let Margo get hurt.”
“But what about you?”
“It’s not about me, remember?”
“Don’t throw those words back at me. So, what? You’re just going to go sacrifice yourself? You think these people will just let you go when they get their money?”
“No.”
My heart stuttered to a halt. “No?”
“No, they won’t let me go. I’m the only person who knows who they are.”
His resignation was anything but reassuring. That he could walk out this door and never come back to me… I couldn’t deal with it.
I wouldn’t.
“Why is that fair? Your life is important.” I grabbed at his arm.
He cupped my cheek. There were no tears in his eyes now. Just a resoluteness that was far more terrifying.
I gripped his shirt and shook him, dragging him close to me even as I pummeled at his chest. “No. They don’t get to have you.”
He curled his long arms around me and took each punch as I unleashed them.
“I can’t lose you. I just found you.”
He held me tighter, but he didn’t say a damn word.
“You don’t know if it will help. You’re not a cop.” I peered up at him, pulling at his neck until his face was even with mine. “Donovan can do something.”
“He’s not a god, Zoe.”