I suck my teeth. “Annnnywayz, why you keep callin’ me?”
“’Cause I dig you.”
“Nigga, you don’t even know me.”
“Yeah ’cause you won’t let a muhfucka in. You keep frontin’ ’n shit. I been tryna holla at you for over a year now—”
“Try almost two,” I correct, cuttin’ him off.
“Well, shit, that makes it even worse. And you still ain’t tryna give a muhfucka no play. Wassup wit’ that?”
I take another pull. “’Cause I’m chillin’. Doin’ me. And I ain’t beat for no drama, or no extra shit from a nigga. And you look like you that nigga wit’ a side dish of both. No, thank you. Been there, done that. And I ain’t tryna catch’a case.”
“Oh, word? Well, I don’t know what kinda case you might catch. But if you’d stop frontin’ I’ll give ya fine ass a case of some good dick.”
This muthafucka! I pull at my nipples. A bitch is mad horny. This nigga gotta sexy ass voice. And he’s nasty as fuck, but I gotta keep remindin’ myself that the muhfucka’s trouble. I know this nigga’s kind. I get up. Stare at my body in the mirror, turnin’ from one side to the other, admirin’ my bangin’ shape. I tighten and un-tighten my ass muscles and watch my ass cheeks pop.
“Nigga, what makes you think you can come at me all sideways ’n shit?”
“Yo, don’t think I forgot that shit you told me in the mall that day. I kept that shit tucked. Now I wanna see you deliver.”
“Well, don’t hold ya breath,” I say, shakin’ my head, rememberin’ exactly what I said to him when I stepped up in his space and whispered in his ear. “…I bet you a sucka for good pussy, and a bitch who can suck down ya dick and lap at ya balls, too…well, guess what, muhfucka? I’m that bitch, be clear. Fine, fly, fabulous and freaky wit’ a pussy ’n throat game so ill it’ll make a nigga sick…” And, the minute I stepped back from him, I peeped the nigga’s dick stretchin’ down his leg. And his nasty ass didn’t even try ’n play it off.
“So why you keep answerin’ when I call?”
I smile, sittin’ at the foot of my bed. I spread open my legs. Lean back on my forearm, then use my free hand to lightly pat my pussy. ’Cause ya sexy, bow-legged ass is thuggish and fine as hell and I might wanna fuck you, I think. Of course I ain’t gonna gas this nigga up. “’Cause you amuse me,” I say, laughin’.
“Yeah, aiight. Go ’head wit’ that dumb shit. I know better. Keep shit real, you wanna taste this chocolate, don’t you? It’s all good. Just say the word, and I’ma serve ya sexy ass all the chocolate you desire. Daddy got enough to satisfy all of ya cravin’s.”
I suck my teeth. “Next. Nigga, puhleeze. Save that daddy shit for them birds you got cluckin’ behind you.”
“Yeah, aiight. I’ma have you cluckin’ in a minute.”
I bust out laughin’. “Oh, neeeeegro, you gotta bitch confused; never that. I’d put a bullet in ya skull, first, before you ever pluck a feather outta me. Trust.”
He starts crackin’ up. “Yo, ma, you funny as hell, word up. You must gotta thing for guns.”
I walk over to my nightstand and open the bottom drawer. I pull out my nickel-plated Colt Python. It’s a .357 Magnum wit’ the six-inch barrel and nickel finish. It’s known for its smooth trigger pull and tight cylinder lock-up. The shit is mad sexy. They stopped makin’ ’em in ’96, but I was able to cop mine from this white muhfucka who had a ’05 special order edition. I slip the barrel between my legs, then slide it over my tight slit. There’s sumthin’ ’bout holdin’ a gun that makes a bitch’s pussy come alive.
“Yeah, sumthin’ like that,” I tell ’im, layin’ back on my bed. I lay the gun on my chest. “How many bitches you guttin’?”
“A few.”
“I bet you’ll fuck anything movin’.”
He laughs. “Not wit’ the lights on.”
“Just what I thought. You fuck them crusty-feet, booga-bear hoes wit’ the ashy ankles and chipped toenails, don’t you?”
He laughs harder. “Yo, you funny as hell.”
“Funny hell. I’m straight-lacin’. You real nasty wit’ yours, nigga, ain’t you? A bitch like me can’t fuck wit’ a nigga who’s guttin’ up a buncha hood crittas.”
“Nah, ma, you got me all fucked up,” he says, tryna sound serious. “I’ma keep shit a hunnid, though. Yeah, I’ve fucked a few gorilla-faced bitches in my day. And most of ’em had some good-ass pussy. They were the type to let a muhfucka get it in almost anyway he wanted. From garglin’ my balls to lickin’ the shit outta my ass, most of them hoes aim to please. But good pussy or not, I fucked ’em from the back and wit’ the room pitch black.”
I start laughin’. “Ohmigod, nigga, you comical as hell. So what makes you think a bitch like me would wanna fuck wit’ a nigga like you?”
> “’Cause I’m e’erything ya body needs. And e’erything you crave.”