“Thanks,” I said, rocking back nervously on my heels. “Coffee would be awesome.”
Logan set the bag on a saw horse and handed me the Styrofoam cup. I flipped the lid covering the hole. Pleased with the scent of the caffeinated goodness, I blew into the hole and took a large sip. The warmth and flavor was intoxicating.
“Nothing better than this,” I said, wiping my mouth on my sleeve, attempting to lighten the mood between us.
“I guess,” Logan said nervously, playing with the strings on his sweatshirt. “Claire, we need to talk about last night,” he suggested, staring at the floor.
“Yeah, that wasn’t good, huh?” I agreed, setting my coffee next to the bag on the sawhorse. I strode closer to Logan.
“How can you be so calm? I’ve been trying to figure out why your still here when you could have left in the middle of the night. I was down for the count.” Logan watched me closely as I responded.
I shrugged. “I told you I wasn’t going to leave.”
Anxiously, he twirled his fingers around the laces of his sweatshirt, thinking about my answer.
“Claire, last night was horrific and I’ll never forgive myself for all of this. I don’t know what came over me. I still can’t believe it myself. I should be in jail,” he grimaced. Both of his fingers were now fully wrapped in the laces of his sweatshirt.
“Logan, I’m not calling the cops. That horrible person who stood before me last night is not who you are. I think part of this was the Adherent and the other part was the anger deep inside of you towards your father. Either way, confining you to a cage won’t solve anything,” I informed him, tugging on his hands, releasing his fingers from the strings he had been nervously playing with. His expression was regretful and relieved at the same time.
“Claire, I only have a small recollection of the Adherent. I can’t remember most of what happened in that time. It’s as though there’s a huge gap in my life.”
“You don’t remember, Logan? … My aunt is dead,” I reminded him icily.
“Oh, my God, Claire. I’m so sorry. What happened?” he asked innocently.
You freaking killed her!
His face was sincere. I saw in his eyes that he really truly didn’t remember.
“You don’t know?” I questioned.
“No, God, Claire. I had no idea.” His voice was as downcast as his eyes. “I hurt you while you were dealing with that. How could I have done such a horrible thing? I’m going crazy. I don’t even remember bringing you here. We need to get you home.”
Did he remember anything?
“Do you remember the mill?” I asked.
He looked at me quizzically. Apparently he truly had no recollection.
“I had flashbacks all night of being with you and how I treated you. I’m so ashamed. This has happened to me before, after I drink. I get violent and possessive. I’ve tried to piece it all together, but I can’t. Were we on a date or did I just force you here? I can’t make sense of any of it.”
He begged me to fill him in on everything that happened between us, but I wasn’t sure I should do it. Talking with Logan this morning I sensed he was different, free from the Adherent and the hate that came with its procession of him. More than that, he was free from his hate towards his father. I knew giving him any more burdens to carry concerning me could bring all that hate back.
I told him as much as I thought he could handle. Filling him in on Kace and the Adherent he had entertained, and I left out that he choked the life out of Maggie. I lied about how we ended up here, telling him I met him at the mill to hang out, but after getting really drunk, he brought me here.
“I shackled you like an animal. When I saw this place this morning I knew I was responsible but I couldn’t remember how,” he admitted, shaking his head regretfully.
“Look, if I understand things correctly, the Adherent that possessed you can hang on for a while after it leaves you. Logan, it wasn’t you. I know that,” I reassured him.
He took a step back. “It doesn’t make it right though, Claire.”
I stepped toward him, sealing the space he just put between us. “No, it doesn’t, but you couldn’t stop, especially while you were drinking.”
Logan explained to me how he had sat in front of the window for hours this morning looking between the city and my sleeping face and the strangest thing happened to him.
“You know that old expression, I’ve seen the light?” he asked. I nodded. “I saw it, Claire. It made me feel things, made me think, forcing me to reconsider the path I’ve been on for years. I’ve made decisions about so many of things in my life.”
Happily listening to Logan, I wanted to hear more.