Virginia
By the time I get to the restaurant, I feel fogged. Being here in our place feels surreal and wrong, like I’ve stepped into an old version of my life that doesn’t fit anymore. It feels worse than a normal break-up when you have to keep coming to work and seeing that person over and over again, when you can’t escape them just because they took a sledgehammer to your heart.
This is exactly why I don’t date co-workers.
This is exactly why Rafe doesn’t fuck his employees.
Putting this life back on and convincing myself it fits isn’t going to be easy. Just the thought of having to watch him bring other women in after this makes me feel empty.
I keep my head down as I head to the bar, trying to avoid the notice of all the other employees. I shouldn’t have come here. They all know me here. It’s just that no one else knows, and now that it’s over, there’s no point telling anyone.
I’m not a big hugger in general, but no one at work would ever even consider wrapping their arms around me. That’s how I know my face must look like my heart feels when Felix glances up, catches sight of me standing here like I’m lost, and immediately walks around the bar, grabs me, and pulls me in for a hug.
My eyes well up and I wrap my arms around him lightly, absorbing his comfort.
“That didn’t take long,” he mutters.
I sniffle. “You can go ahead and say ‘I told you so,’ but if it helps, I told myself so, too.”
Felix shakes his head and rubs my back. “No I told you so. Just shots. Lots of shots.”
He promises lots of shots, and boy, does he deliver. I can’t even walk straight by the time the restaurant closes. One waitress noticed me over here, but I was too drunk by that point to care. Trent must have caught wind that I was here, because he wandered over, too.
“Just can’t stay away, can you?”
“Nope,” I say, grabbing a shot and downing it. “Love this place too damn much.”
Trent seems amused by my drunkenness, but since I’m generally the restaurant nark, he doesn’t hang out too long before returning to doing his job.
The alcohol exhausts me. Or maybe it’s the tears that keep creeping out of the corner of my eye and trailing down my cheek. All I know is, as long as Felix is feeding me shot after shot and keeping me company when he doesn’t have a customer, I don’t have a chance to replay any haunting memories.
I stumble to the bathroom to pee, but get sidetracked wondering if Felix will be here tomorrow night when I’m working. I always check the schedule of everyone who will be on the floor with me, but I didn’t check who would be working at the bar. Now I look, see it’s Lucinda, and feel mildly disappointed. I slap the schedule back up on the wall and wander off to the bathroom. It’s nearly time to close, so it has already been cleaned, but whoever cleaned did a shitty job. I mentally pull up the schedule in my head so I know who to scold tomorrow.
I’m gonna tell him right to his stupid face that I still want that head waitress job. I deserve it, dammit. I deserve so much more than that. I could be a fucking lawyer right now, and I’m bringing rich assholes their meals and alcoholic beverages. Fuck this shit. I should quit! I really should. My whole life has been paused for Rafe, and he can’t even face his fear of commitment for me.
I’m feeling empowered as only a drunk girl can when I get back to the bar and half-fall onto the stool. On one hand, I want to quit, but on the other, my mind is already aware I’m not going to do that, so instead it settles for planning for when I do have a title.
“I want to train you to work the dining room,” I inform Felix.
He looks up at me as he wipes down the bar. “Yeah?”
I nod my head. “If you want to. I think you’d be really good at it.”
“I like tending bar. Could I still do that?”
“Of course. We could alternate you nights. It never hurts to know more than one position. I could do any position in the whole restaurant. I thought someday maybe I would be manager, and the manager has to know every position, so… yeah.”
“Still thinking that?” he inquires.
“I don’t know,” I mutter, resting my chin on my hands on the counter. “I’m too drunk to make big decisions.”
Felix smiles. “Yes, you sure are.”
“Thank you for buying me shots,” I tell him.
“Anytime. Hopefully not for the same reason,” he adds. “You’ll stay away from him now, I hope.”
“I will stay away from him naked,” I offer. “Can’t really stay away from him altogether.”