Or, since he thinks he can’t have me. The fact that I want him and he wants me should be all that’s required for this to happen, but this family is so fucking weird. I want to take matters into my own hands and tell Rafe I want to leave his house and go stay with Sin, but every time I tell myself I’m going to have that conversation, I get scared. What if I’m wrong? What if Sin’s right? It’s not like Rafe has never tricked me before. No, he hasn’t made any new threats about me getting over Sin, hasn’t pushed for sex even though we’re sleeping in the same bed. I don’t know exactly where Rafe stands, and the thought of asking is nerve-racking because the stakes are so high. If I strut into this conversation, certain I can pull it off and everything will be fine, and then Sin ends up dead and Rafe casually reminds me he warned me, I will be destroyed. That guilt will follow me for the rest of my life, and just the thought of a Sin-less world makes me unfathomably sad.
Just thinking about it now makes me softer on him. What if something happened to Sin and the last thing I ever said to him was to basically get out of the bathroom and leave me alone? It’s too hard to stay mad at him. I’ve never encountered that before—an absolute inability to stay mad at someone, no matter how much he pisses me off or hurts my feelings. Even when I try to hold it against him, it wears off. Being mad at him only lasts so long, and then it evaporates, and trying to prolong the grudge feels unnatural. That has never, ever happened to me before Sin, and I find it intriguing.
Sin seems like the sort of man who rubs people the wrong way more than the kind you can’t stay mad at. He doesn’t have Rafe’s easy charisma. He’s no one’s definition of a charmer. I can’t imagine anyone else who knows him struggling to stay mad at him—in theory, he makes it so damn easy—but I can’t. I realized in that bathroom, when I felt myself giving just because we were in the same room, that I lied to Rafe. Finding out Sin slept with Marlena should be enough to turn me off him, but I don’t think it would be. When he inevitably throws that in my face, it’s going to hurt like hell, and I’m going to be pissed off and hurt, but somehow it won’t last. I think the mean bastard could marry Marlena, and I would be mad at him for a week, sad at him for a couple more, and then like a rubber band snapping back, I would go right back to wanting him.
I don’t know if there’s something that wrong with me, or something that right with us. A new attachment shouldn’t be so unbreakable. I’ve had relationships much more serious than this one, I’ve had my heart broken before by people I invested much more time in, but I have never encountered whatever this is. It’s like we’re connected by something deeper, something I could study for the rest of my life and never understand. Maybe from the first moment Sin walked through Rafe’s front door, my soul recognized its other half, and now it won’t let go for anything. Every little hurt, every major offense, somehow all of it feels insignificant by comparison. Like teardrops of pain falling into an ocean of love. There’s so much of the good stuff, you can’t feel the bad stuff for long.
I hate pining in theory and in practice, but the rules of ordinary relationships don’t apply to my thoughts of Sin. I tap the message box on my phone and the straight line begins blinking, preparing to receive my message. Only it’s 4 in the morning and I don’t have anything to say. I just want to connect.
So, I open my recently used emojis, select the dolphin, and push send.
Since it’s the middle of the night, I don’t expect him to be awake. I don’t even want him to be awake. If he’s awake, that probably means he is with her, or he was with her, and I don’t need to feel angry right now. I don’t need more reasons to want to murder this cotton candy bitch.
I need to get Virginia’s number. She may be one of Rafe’s minions, but I think I could be friends with her.
My phone grabs my attention, vibrating on the surface of Rafe’s island countertop.
“Why are you awake?” Sin typed back.
Lifting an eyebrow, I reply, “I’m pregnant. What’s your excuse?”
“Some crazy person just sent me a dolphin in the middle of the night.”
“Well, you better hurry up and get it in some water. Dolphins like water,” I reply.
“Great, now I have a to-do list. I’m gonna have to find out what they eat too. I didn’t ask for this.”
Grinning, I type back, “Dolphins eat fish. Haven’t you ever taken a science class? I need to take you to an aquarium or something and fill in the gaps of your aquatic education.”
Less than a minute later, he sends back, “I just looked it up. Some dolphins eat squids and whatever the fuck a cephalopod is. Take that, know-it-all.”
“Well, the one I sent you is named Wilbur and he eats fish. I asked him. Cod is his favorite.”
“Great, so you sent me a high-maintenance fucking fish.”
Grinning again, I send an emoji of a monkey hiding its eyes and tell him, “Dolphins aren’t fish!”
“I know, they’re mammals. I wanted to see if you’d correct me. See, I did take a science class.” The trio of gray bubbles moves for a few seconds, then he sends back, “I could quiz you on shit you wouldn’t know about too, you know.”
“Oh, I know you could. Someone just asked me, where is Sin right now and is anyone with him? And I had no idea what the answer was.”
The gray bubbles move for an eternity. Definitely long enough for me to imagine him either lecturing me for asking about his sex life when I do not want to know, or telling me horrible things about said sex life in an attempt to make me hate him. I’m braced for the worst when a large, dark rectangle that is clearly a picture shows up on my screen. Do I want to look? I don’t, but I have to. If it’s the waitress, I’m gonna throw up.
It’s Sin’s bed. More specifically, the empty spot beside him where I used to sleep. My entire being lightens and I breathe a sigh of relief.
His accompanying message reads simply, “Mystery solved.”
&n
bsp; “Thank you,” I reply.
I click on the picture to make it bigger. The picture is dark given the time of night and Sin’s blackout curtains. There’s not even any moonlight spilling in. I can still see the empty space where I should be, though. I long to pour out my feelings, to tell him I wish I could be there with him, but I don’t have the heart to be rejected again, and I know I will be.
“You’re welcome,” he sends back. “Now get some sleep.”
“I will. You too. Sorry I woke you.”
“Nah, I was awake. Goodnight Laurel.”