Pointing to the headset hanging to my right, he adds, “It’s going to be loud, so you’re gonna want to put those on. We’ll be able to talk to each other through them and they’re noise-canceling, so the noise from the blades isn’t so bad. The pilot can hear us too, so keep that in mind,” he adds with a wink.
I roll my eyes, smiling faintly. “I’ll try to control myself.”
After an absolutely incredible flight over Lake Mead and the Hoover Dam, we make it to the Grand Canyon. I can’t help marveling endlessly at the awe-inspiring geographical wonders as we hover above them, but then the helicopter dips down into the canyon and lands below the west rim.
“What are we doing?” I ask Rafe on the headset.
“I figured you might want a picture,” he says. “Just, you know, don’t send this one to your sister unless you think you can convince her the Grand Canyon relocated.”
I narrow my eyes at him and shove his leg with the pointy part of my heel. “I’m not an idiot; I won’t send it to Carly. I do want a picture.”
It’s a little surreal, climbing out of the helicopter and standing on the Grand Canyon floor. The view is breathtaking, the sky clear. Rafe hands his phone to the pilot, telling him he wants one with both of us. Then he comes over and casually drapes his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side so the pilot can get the shot.
Rafe takes one of just me, then we stand there for a few minutes, admiring the view.
Glancing over at him, I ask, “So, how often do you do this?”
Looking over at me as if surprised, he says, “Hang out in the Grand Canyon? Oh, all the time. I basically live here.”
I sway over and nudge him in the arm. “I’m serious. I won’t be offended. I want to know how often you pull this out of your bag of tricks.”
I expect his easy, charming smile, a cavalier response, but his gaze drops and he shakes his head. “No bag of tricks. I just thought you’d like it, that’s all. I already took you on a tour of the strip last time you stayed with me. I figured I should do you one better this time around.”
Memories of last time flit back. I only spent one night with him in Vegas—the night my sister and Vince decided to have an impromptu Vega
s wedding. Rafe did not approve of the plan at all, but he still made some calls and made sure that even though only the four of us were there, Carly and Vince had a beautiful wedding memory in front of the golden glow of the Bellagio fountains. Rafe was the best man, and in that moment, I was pretty sure he really was the best man. Maybe ever.
As if he has a shared screen and watches the memory play out in my mind, he reaches an arm around my waist and pulls me close, just like he did that night. My head tries to rest on his shoulder, but I catch it before it lands and force my attention to remain on the natural wonder before me.
“That was a nice night,” I murmur.
“Yeah, it was,” he agrees.
Sighing heavily, I look down at the ground, looking at my nude heels on the desert rock. Someone’s shoes, I guess. Not mine. How the hell did all this happen? Why couldn’t this Rafe have been the one that stuck around even after I delivered the news about the pregnancy? The one who arranged Carly’s wedding, who took me to a used bookstore and brought me to the Grand fucking Canyon in a helicopter.
“What’s wrong?” Rafe asks.
I shake my head. “I just hate messes.”
“What’s a mess?”
I feel my eyes widen as I turn to look at him. “Seriously? Everything is a mess. Everything. None of this was supposed to happen.” Humiliation and dread mingle together in my gut as I feel the burn of tears prickling behind my eyes. Oh, God, not again. I’ve cried more this week than I have in the last year. Pregnancy is the fucking worst!
Rafe catches it, of course. His voice softens and he turns toward me, offering me the protective shelter of his chest as he guides me into his arms. “Hey, now, there’s no reason to cry.”
“There’s every reason to cry,” I mutter. “Everything is fucked up and wrong. My life is… wrecked. It’s wrecked.”
His voice is calm and steady, while mine is uneven and brimming with emotion. “Your life is not wrecked. Your life is fine. We’ll figure it out.”
I don’t want to deal with this, so I don’t. I bury my face in his navy dress shirt and let him wrap his arms around me, considering the ridiculousness that I’m crossing an item off my bucket list—visiting the Grand Canyon—with the mobbed up father of my child. I don’t even like thinking of the pregnancy as a baby, despite Sin’s best efforts, but thinking it with Rafe is different. I still don’t know if he actually accepts the pregnancy, but I assume even if he accepts it, he still doesn’t want it. Without knowing ahead of time how he’ll respond, I don’t want to talk to him about it. I don’t want another disaster like last time.
My stomach hurts. My heart hurts. I’m all twisted up inside. Sniffling and pulling out of his arms, I turn around and look at the helicopter. “How long are we going to be down here?” I ask, my voice at a regular tone, like none of this happened.
Rafe watches me for a moment, but reluctantly follows my lead, pretending everything is fine. “We’ll head out in a few minutes. Are you hungry? I thought we’d grab lunch next.”
I nod my head, slowly making my way back toward the chopper. “Yeah, lunch sounds good.”
“Great,” he says, his hand moving reassuringly down my arm. “I’m gonna make a call real quick and talk to the pilot, then we can take off.”