I’m just about to tell him I’m not going to fuck him because he’s a liar and I hate him, but his finger slides inside me, and I’m too engulfed by pleasure to speak. Instead of letting me toss more angry words at him, Derek steals all my words, covering my mouth with his and kissing me hard. Just his lips on mine turns my blood into liquid heat, but his kiss combined with the finger he currently has inside me is too much. It’s been too long since anyone turned me on like this—it’s been as long as we’ve been apart. I want to object, but I don’t. He always makes me want the worst things.
Shocks of pleasure move through me as he fondles me, as he kisses me, as he temporarily obliterates the memories of all the pain he put me through and gives me a bandage for it.
I take the bandage. I let my legs spread wider to give him more space between them, sighing at the pleasure he stokes. Oh, God, he always feels so good. Physically, at least. Pleasure builds rapidly, like my body doesn’t know what to do with this kind of stimulation. Like it has forgotten, like it has been asleep, and now he’s back to wake it up. Like it’s been starving, and he’s finally providing it nourishment.
Damn you, body.
I want to curse him, but I come for him instead. I come hard and fast—almost embarrassingly fast. My legs shake and I can’t keep from holding onto him, burying my face in his broad, muscular shoulder as my body shudders.
I fall back on the bed, relaxed despite being in Hell. Then his skilled fingers are no longer between my legs, but pushing the buttons through my dress shirt—or, his dress shirt.
“What are you doing?” I ask, mildly mindless.
“I’m going to take this shirt off you so I can kiss you all over your naked body.”
Mm, that sounds so nice.
“This means nothing,” I inform him. “Absolutely nothing.”
Smirking faintly, he says, “Noted.”
“I mean it. You may as well be a vibrator with lips. I feel nothing for you except disdain.”
“That’s fine,” he assures me. “I’m still going to fuck you until you come again. I think Bethany ordered two orgasms for you, didn’t she?”
“I don’t think you should fuck me,” I tell him, shaking my head. “That sounds like—”
I’m about to tell him what a terrible idea that is, but the shirt is unbuttoned, and before I can get it out he bends his head and takes my nipple into his mouth, igniting yet another livewire of passion inside my veins. I can’t remember why this is a bad idea. It feels like such a good idea.
It’s surreal, this moment. Derek’s beautiful lips on my body, his hands skimming my sides. I can’t believe this is real. He pops off my breast and comes back to kiss me on the mouth, grabbing one of my hands and pushing it down between his legs. Excitement shoots through me, feeling how hard he is for me. God, I love to be wanted by him. I rub him through his pants for a minute, but then I push my hand down inside the waistband so I can touch him, skin to skin. He groans against my lips when my fingers close around him, when I squeeze the head and start tugging.
“Fuck, Nikki.”
Just hearing my name from his lips is like the sweetest sin there could possibly be. Just that is forbidden, something I’ve worked so hard to make myself stop wanting to hear. Then he’s kissing me again, and I missed this so much. I missed the force of Derek’s kisses. Other men don’t kiss like this, with this passion, like a hurricane of pleasure, sweeping me off solid ground and sucking me into his storm.
Derek is a storm, and he’s the storm that nearly wrecked me. The storm I’ve spent literally years recovering from. That should scare me. No, it should terrify me. I know the destruction this man is capable of, and I know that what is happening right now is how it all starts. I’ve been here before. I need to stop and escape while I’m still all in one piece.
I’m almost brought out of it, but as if he can sense that, he pulls back just long enough to shove down his pants.
No, no, no, no, this is a terrible, no-good, bad idea!
Derek loves terrible, no-good, bad ideas. Without giving me time to get my brain back under control, he pushes his cock inside me. I gasp, struggling to breathe as he invades me. I reach overhead for purchase, my whole body engulfed in the pleasure of hurricane Derek.
“Oh, God,” I murmur weakly, hooking my leg around him. I can’t push him away when all I want is to draw him closer. I want to, but I can’t.
“You feel so fucking good, Nikki,” he tells me, his free hand moving behind my neck so he can pull me back into a kiss.
I can’t think. I’m so full of pleasure, so full of him. I know this is a mistake, I know it is. I know I’ll regret it. I’ve been here before. I know he’ll destroy me if I let him, but I won’t let him this time. This means nothing. This is just sex.
He pulls back, then pistons his hips forward, planting himself inside me with more force. I squirm, reaching again for something to grab onto above me. I need a pillow or something to hold as he thrusts inside me, but we’re sideways on the bed, so there’s nothing but flat mattress and down blanket.
As I tell myself how fine this is, as my ex-boyfriend’s dick invades me again and again, suppressed emotions try to break free from their necessary prisons. Affection tries to infiltrate this moment, but it needs to be meaningless. It has to mean nothing. Derek already meant everything to me once, and I know how that story ends.
“Oh, God. Kiss me,” I tell him, trying to outrun my thoughts.
He wastes no time obeying, his cock moving inside me while his tongue storms the gates of my mouth. I open for him, letting him sweep me back up, letting him set off fireworks in my mind.
After a few more minutes of tenderness, he pulls out of me, rolls me over, and guides me onto all fours. He gathers up a fistful of my hair, holding on as he drives into me once more, harder this time. I cry out, then remember there’s a child in the living room, so I should try to keep it down. I fall down on my forearms, resting my forehead on the mattress and pushing my ass back, meeting him thrust for thrust. Tension builds in my core with every brutal thrust, my pleasure ratcheting up, and up, and up.