"Not officially, but I don't even know if I'm officially with her."
"Well, I'd say you're definitely with her," I told him.
He averted his gaze again. "Well, then... I guess I haven't."
"You really should have done that before you even brought this up to me," I told him. "If you're being honest with me, if you really want me back, you really want to work things out, you shouldn't make it seem like your breaking it off with Kayla is contingent upon my response. If you don't want to be with her, break up with her, but I'm not going to wait around on you to make up your—"
"Okay, I get it," he said, smiling reluctantly. "I am going to break up with her, and I do want to be with you. If you'll have me, that is."
Honestly, I wasn't sure what
to say. On the one hand I was ecstatic that he wanted me back, but part of me was still miffed at being thrown away so carelessly. Then I had to acknowledge that he had just found out he was going to be a father, so it was probably understandable that he would be...
Damn, he was going to be a father. He was actually going to have a baby with Kayla, meaning she would be in his life forever, and in my life as long as mine was tied to his.
But I did miss him, and the longer I sat there next to him, the harder it was to even think of turning him away.
There was one thing I had to know before I went agreeing to anything though. "I'm going to ask you a question and I want an honest answer, no matter what you think I want to hear."
"Okay," he said, frowning slightly.
I paused for a moment, mustering the courage to ask what I wanted to ask and act accordingly when I heard his answer. I finally did ask, "Have you slept with her since you found out about the baby?"
"No," he replied instantly.
I breathed a sigh of relief, even though I didn't mean to. "Good," I said. "Just so we're clear, if you would have said yes, I would have left you sitting here on this bench and never looked back."
He nodded. "Noted."
"But you didn't," I said, my face easing into a small smile. "You're right, you made a terrible choice, but since you've obviously seen the error of your ways, I do believe there may be hope for you, Derek Noble."
"God, I've missed you," he said, wasting no time, placing a hand behind my neck and pulling me over so he could kiss me.
It felt so good just to have Derek touch me again, just to feel him close. I smiled into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck and snuggling up against him. "How are we going to do this, Derek?"
"I don't know," he said honestly. "But we're going to figure it out, because I have not liked being without you."
"No, I'm not really a fan either." I pulled back, realizing I might be giving him exactly the wrong message. "Now don't start thinking you're just going to be able to break up with me and I'm just going to come running back every time, either. If you cast me aside again, I'm not coming back, no matter how much we miss each other."
"I will never do that," he said.
"Yeah, well, pardon me if I don't automatically believe you," I muttered.
"I'm going to earn your trust back, Nikki," he stated.
"You can try," I said.
He slanted me a look, pulling me back in for another kiss. "Don't sound so confident in my abilities," he said sarcastically.
I shrugged. "I can't help it, Derek. You're lucky I ever decided to trust you in the first place, but things just aren't going to go back to how they were. I don't even know if I'll be able to trust you again, but even if I can, it may not come easy. All I can promise is that I'll try."
"I don't care," he said. "I'm not letting you go again. As long as you're willing to give me another chance, we're going to make this work."
"Even if Kayla tries to stop you?"
"Even then," he agreed.
"Okay," I said carefully, wondering if I was making another mistake. "And if you find out you've knocked anyone else up –which, I'm warning you, you better not—you will not dump me to go running to her rescue?"