"Derek, I'm trying to study."
"Oh, me too," he replied, his kisses moving to my ears.
"Mm," I murmured, closing my eyes, goose bumps traveling up my neck. "Derek, you're distracting me."
"I like to distract you," he said, finally getting me on my back.
I sighed, deciding easily that there was no point. "Fine, I surrender," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and returning his kiss.
"I do like when you surrender," he murmured against my mouth.
For all that I shrugged the matter off to Derek, it bugged me a little when he brought up college.
I always said I was undecided, as if I merely didn't feel like going, but I did wish I could go to college. When Stephanie brought it up, it bothered me too, but she was normally just talking about going herself, never trying to bring me into it.
And it wasn't that I wasn't trying to save up some money, but there was just so little time and so much money that needed to be saved. Even if I went to the community college that Derek and Steph were going to, I would have to come up with enough money for a car; there was no way Alex was going to let me borrow his car to drive 30 miles each way every single day. Steph was one of those lucky people whose parents had not only saved money for her to actually attend college, but would also let her live at home with them for as long as she needed to while she got a higher education.
I was not in the same boat.
I would need about a thousand bucks just for a car to get me to and from school, then probably close to another thousand for books, and of course there was the actual price of tuition, not to mention all the gas and unexpected car troubles. Even if I could miraculously figure all that out, the chances of Alex actually letting me stay with him for two more years... let's just say I wouldn't put any money on it. So I would have to figure out how I was going to pay rent on top of all those expenses. If I had to do all that, when would I be able to actually study and do my assignments? I would have to work all the time just to pay for it.
There was simply no way.
On Sunday, a mere two days after our talk, Derek caught me by surprise again when he came over after work and tossed an application on my bed.
"What's this?" I asked, picking up the application and looking at it.
"Your bookstore's hiring. It's a barista job, but it is in the bookstore," he replied.
I could only stare at him. "Why?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Because... they need one? How am I supposed to know why they're hiring?"
I shook my head, smiling a little. "No, I mean... why would you go to the extra trouble of not only going to the bookstore, but getting an application for me?"
He shrugged. "I guess you're growing on me. Just a little," he said, giving me a small smile.
"Like mold?" I asked gravely, my expression innocent.
His eyes twinkled and he nodded. "Yes, exactly like mold."
I chalked it up to joking at the time, but I realized later, as I was looking over the application, that Derek really was being nice to me lately. I kept noticing it, but I always seemed to have some reason that I was just mistaken.
If I didn't know any better, I just might start thinking that Derek was starting to like me.
But when thoughts like that would surface, I would usually reject them, telling myself I was being silly. Derek hated me, he had always hated me. But as I looked at the application, I thought maybe he really was getting over his senseless hatred, and that's why he was treating me like a friend.
Maybe we were friends.
After all, I was hardly a friendship expert.
That thought made me happy, but I didn't want to get too excited about it in case I was wrong.
Monday came too soon, and Derek came to give me a ride to school, as he had been doing since the weather was getting colder. I told him cautiously about Stephanie's invitation for us to join her at her lunch table, and while he didn't seem very excited about the idea, he did agree.
During lunch, Derek mostly stayed out of the conversation. Since Thanksgiving was fast approaching, Stephanie was talking about her family from North Carolina coming to visit for the holiday. She asked me what I was doing, and I realized I didn't really know.
Sometimes for Thanksgiving I would go with Alex to his mother's house, but since it was one of maybe four times a year that we saw her, it was usually fairly uncomfortable.