Being strong for Alex was one thing.
Being strong in school when Alex wasn't there and Derek spotted me and came walking in my direction was quite another.
I managed to avoid him, ducking into the girls' bathroom when he tried to approach me, and I tried to figure out what I was going to say, how I was going to act. The fact that my throat closed up at the sight of him and my heart dropped to my little toe really didn't help me think quickly.
After wasting as much time as I possibly could in the bathroom, I made my way to class and slipped in just as the bell was ringing, earning an unpleasant look from the teacher. I sheepishly averted my gaze, but I wasn't really sorry—Derek was in that class, so I decided it would be better to be late than early, that way Derek couldn't talk to me.
However, I acknowledged as I sat down at my desk, after class would be a different story.
I couldn't avoid him forever.
Well, not yet.
In the long run, avoiding him forever seemed to be the plan, but there was still some time before I would be able to do that. In the meantime, I would just have to be strong—something it turned out I wasn't so good at being around Derek.
By the time that class I ended, I had myself so wound up that I felt physically ill. I knew Derek was going to approach me. For all that we had been fighting and he had remained stubborn, I could see it when he looked at me, feel the difference in his gaze.
He knew something was different.
Sure enough, as soon as class was over and I jumped up and tried to push my way through the other students, Derek grabbed his notebook and came traipsing after me.
I needed him to not chase me.
It was too hard when he did that.
"Nikki," he said, and I could hear the frown in his voice even though I wasn't looking at him.
I didn't turn around. I knew it was silly, because he would catch up to me anyway, but part of me wanted to give him some kind of advance notice for the bomb I was about to drop on him.
"Nicole," he said, reaching up and grabbing me lightly by the arm, forcing me to stop.
"Hi," I said lamely, not really looking at him.
His scowl deepened. "Are you okay?"
"Yep," I said, but my voice was just a touch too high-pitched to sound normal.
Oh no, I thought as I felt the tears start burning prematurely behind my eyes.
"Why are you running from me?" he asked.
The irony of how perfect his words were for what he didn't know I was preparing to do made my heart ache.
"Are you still mad at me about that shit with Kayla?" he asked.
"I don't… want to talk about her," I said tiredly.
"I don't either." He moved forward, hesitating just a second before he wrapped his arms around me, lightly hugging me. "Wanna just forget about that?"
My whole body ached to melt against him, and the burning behind my eyes got worse. Finally the moisture broke through, and I felt the tears begin to form in my eyes.
I just wanted to say yes and stay in his arms forever.
"Hey," he said, frowning as he saw the tears. He placed his thumb below my chin and tilted it up so I was forced to look at him. "What's wrong?"
"Oh, God, I can't do this," I said, pushing against his chest in an attempt to just get out of his tempting embrace. "Let me go, I have to get to class."
He released me, but he didn't let me go. "Nikki…"