Chapter 28
Faith
I’ve never been more grateful for being organized than I am this morning.
The plan was to go back to work on Wednesday, but I just couldn’t seem to pull myself out of Ethan’s bed.
It’s been five days since the fire. Five nights of sleeping in his arms, each morning waking up to the most passionate man I’ve ever encountered. We can’t seem to get enough of each other, including this morning even though it’s a big day for me as well as Cerberus.
Mr. And Mrs. Fosse’s custody hearing wasn’t scheduled to take place until the first part of January, but the court requested today’s earlier date so they could work on clearing more cases before the new year. I didn’t mind when I agreed last week, thinking it would only benefit us if the other party was mildly inconvenienced with having to reschedule travel.
When I agreed, I had no idea the series of events that would happen in the week leading up to it.
But I’m prepared. I’ve been prepared for months.
Looking over my shoulder, I realize that nearly every single member of Cerberus and those connected to the club are in the gallery. They’re here for moral support, and it is just one more piece of proof that Ethan had talked about. These people are real. They aren’t pretending or faking their care and concern.
Lana’s declaration that she already considers them family comes to mind again, and although it makes me happy for her, it also plants a tiny seed of bitterness and jealousy inside of me. I want what she has, and that’s a slap in the face because I’ve never envied anyone before. I accepted the hand I was dealt as a child and made plans to achieve things on my own. I resisted longing for anything I couldn’t create with my own hands and hard work because wanting led to disappointment when it didn’t come to fruition.
I long for Cerberus to be my family. I long for something more than incredible sex with Ethan Packwood. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is amazing, somehow managing to get better each and every time. I just find myself wanting more and more of him and his heart, and it’s growing harder and harder to shove those desires aside.
My eyes land on him sitting behind the railing separating us, and he gives me a smile and nod that says he knows I’ve got this. His confidence in me has never wavered, and although I’ve watched and looked for things that throw up red flags, I’ve found no reason to doubt the man, to question what’s going on between us.
He doesn’t stay on his phone or sneak off to make phone calls. He leaves the device out in the open, face up, unconcerned or hasty when it rings or chimes with a text. Women aren’t calling him or showing up at the clubhouse requesting his presence, and part of me appreciates the calm. The cynical part of me is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. The pessimist forged during my childhood knows it won’t last. The stories I’ve heard about the single Cerberus men remind me that Ethan Packwood isn’t the type to settle down with any one woman. He may want me now, but there’s a good chance that will change, eventually. This will end. The only question is can I protect my heart in the meantime.
A throat clearing draws my attention back to what I’m supposed to be doing. I give April and Nate a smile as they approach.
“Good morning,” I whisper to them.
They both greet me with smiles even though we saw each other not long ago at the clubhouse.
They don’t have the baby with them, and the instruction to leave him back at the clubhouse was purposeful. The child isn’t old enough to testify, so I don’t have to worry about the judge questioning his whereabouts. Also, babies are unpredictable and needy, and sometimes they cry even when they have everything they need. The other side of that same coin is that people are quick to judge, having all sorts of opinions, when a child won’t stop crying.
The Fosses settle in beside me mere minutes before opposing counsel and the Clarks—the biological father Cory, and his parents Serena and Henry.
The young man looks no happier to be here than he was the day we met in my office for mediation. Their new attorney looks like he has a stick up his ass, making me glad I don’t live in California. What is with the air of superiority surrounding them?
I keep a close eye on them, noticing how Henry Clark leans in several times to speak with Cory. The older man looks as if he’s chastising a child for misbehaving in church, and it helps to strengthen my confidence in the way today will go.