The others wanted what I had. It was only a matter of time before they tried to take it.
“I don’t like the way things have gone,” Griffin said, sipping his drink again. “Life was simpler when my father was still alive. The Oligarchs respected each other. They had their squabbles, no doubt, but there wasn’t open war. What Roman and Darren did—”
“They showed what was possible,” I said, cutting in. “Once a thing’s been done, you can’t undo it.”
“Perhaps.” Griffin sighed and leaned back. “I wish I could surf all day. Do you ever surf, Nervosa? You don’t seem like the type.”
“I’m not.”
“No, you wouldn’t be. Too serious to go surfing. But it’s peaceful out there in the ocean, on the waves, with nobody asking anything, no responsibility to anyone except yourself. It’s blissful.”
“If you wanted an easy life, you could’ve let someone else take over your family.”
He laughed at that, as if the idea was crazy.
“Silvano’s going to go through with his drugs idea,” he said, gesturing with his drink in a mock salute. “I know you’re right and I won’t deny it. But I don’t think we need to start a war here to combat it.”
I shivered and looked at my hands. “You’re going to let him get away with it.”
“And I might fight by his side.”
I looked up sharply. “What did you say?”
“Face it, Nervosa. If Silvano starts a fight with Redmond and Kaspar and the rest, he’s going to need help. We can sit back and let him get beat up on, but then what? They grow stronger and we grow weaker. Why would they stop at him?”
I gripped the cushion beneath me. “He’s talking about addicting innocent people to drugs just to strike a blow at them.”
“As I’ve said, I don’t agree with the methods. I don’t even agree with his reasoning. But I’m a practical man, and I can see what’ll happen if we leave him to fight on his own.”
I stood up slowly. “You too then.”
“Me too what?” He seemed curious, head tilted, frowning.
“All of you are insipid little traitors. Silvano’s bad enough, but at least he believes his own bullshit. Liam’s going along because he’s been eyeing eastern Oligarch strength for a while now, and you admitted you’ll fight simply because you’d rather not get swallowed up by bigger fish in the end. It’s pathetic.”
Griffin’s fingers gripped his drink. “Watch it. You don’t know me as well as you think.”
“You pretend like you have honor and you cling to the old ways, but it’s all a farce. As soon as there’s a convenient reason to leave all that knightly rhetoric behind, suddenly you’re ready to go to war.” I walked to the door, shaking my head.
He stood, a growl in the back of his throat. “Don’t you dare question my honor. You of all people.”
I hesitated and looked back. “And what does that mean?”
I stared him down. He stared back, unwilling to bend. But I knew he regretted his words. He might’ve been older and more experienced, but I was more ruthless than he’d ever be, and I’d rip him to shreds if it meant advancing my cause.
“I know where you come from,” he said, keeping his voice low. “I don’t judge you for that. We all have our cross. But don’t go thinking you know a damn thing about my world. You’re a fucking tourist.”
I flashed him teeth. “Think what you want. All I hope is that when the time comes, you do the right thing.” I shoved open the door and left.
I hoped Deem’s sense of duty would keep him out of the coming conflict, but I was wrong. He was like all the others: doing what was best for him and his people.
And I couldn’t blame him for it. I was angry and disappointed, but if I were in his position, I’d do the same. Only, I had too many ties dragging me away from the reprehensible plan, and no matter how much logic said I should join in with the others, that we’d be stronger together, I just couldn’t do it.
Not with those pills involved.
The damn pills that took so much from me so long ago.
My driver opened the Rover door and let me climb in back. It pulled away as I stared out the window, remembering my mother’s slim fingers as they shook and she struggled to get a pill container open. Here, baby, you get it for mommy, okay? I would’ve done anything for her back then. I put myself through hell to make my parents happy.
I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing the tears away. I wouldn’t let my emotions get the better of me because of my parents and their addiction, and I wouldn’t waste any more energy on them. It’d been a decade since I last saw my mother, and I hoped that was the last time.