Rush reached past me again to grab a beautiful crystal vase that would fit the rose perfectly. He turned around and went to the sink to fill the vase with water.
“Turns out the guy is married to one of your uncles. His name is Aleks. He’s married to Vaughn.”
When Rush turned around, he came to a stop, probably because I was still standing shell-shocked in the same spot.
“Christopher?” Rush said softly. I opened my mouth to respond, but all that threatened to come out was a harsh sob. Rush quickly came around the island, setting the vase down in the process. He repeated my name, but all I could do was shake my head because the emotions had effectively rendered me mute.
“Christopher, look, I didn’t tell him the flower was for you. I mean, I introduced myself since Vaughn and I know each other, but there’s no way they’ll know that I got that rose… fuck!” Rush bit out as he ran his fingers through his hair in that nervous way of his. “And it doesn’t need to mean anything, especially the whole love at first sight stuff because I know you’re not ready for that, but I just knew in my heart it was the one—”
I didn’t need to even think about what I was doing. I stepped into Rush’s space and wrapped my hand around the back of his neck so I could pull him down for a kiss.
A real one.
One that wouldn’t leave him with any doubt about what I was feeling.
It took Rush all of three seconds to kiss me back. I could feel his relief in the way he kissed me, held me. Only when the kiss began to cause us both to overheat did Rush tear his mouth from mine. “Fuck, don’t scare me like that again,” he complained as he appeared to try and catch his breath.
“Sorry,” I said softly. “I don’t have any vases,” I added, hoping that was enough to explain why I’d gotten so upset at the sight of the beautiful flower.
Rush hesitated a moment and then wrapped his arms around me. “You’d better get some,” he murmured. The idea that he was going to keep giving me flowers made my heart hurt. Rush was on a playing field I had no hope of reaching. He was romantic, kindhearted, thoughtful, protective, and said what was in his heart.
I mentally pushed the thought away because I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I glanced at the rose.
“So is all this—the flower, the breakfast—some kind of apology for trying to burn my house down, or were you planning to do that wall by wall,” I asked as I glanced at the wall between the kitchen and the dining room. It now had several larger holes that I was able to see through.
“Your little pinholes were driving me crazy,” Rush groused.
“Um, okay, but Rush…” I began carefully.
“Yeah?”
“I changed my mind about that wall. I was going to patch up the holes I’d made and leave the wall like it is… was.”
Rush’s arms tensed, and then he was dropping them and looking in horror at the decimated wall. “Fuck, Christopher, I’m so sorry. I can put it back—”
I let loose the laugh I’d been struggling to contain. Rush went completely silent, and then his jaw hardened. “You’re going to pay for that,” he said sternly, though only humor danced in his eyes.
“Wait, is that more smoke?” I said as I pointed at the oven. The second Rush looked over his shoulder, I hightailed it out of the kitchen and made a dash for the stairs.
He caught me halfway up. His big arms caged me against the wall. “Just for that, you’re making the pancakes,” Rush said. We were both breathing heavily, but it had nothing to do with the short chase.
I let out a soft moan when Rush closed his mouth over mine. The searing kiss had me practically curling my toes. But Rush ended it too quickly, causing a little whimper of protest to escape my lips.
“Will you go out with me?” Rush asked suddenly, all humor gone. In its place was what I could only classify as desperate hunger.
Like my answer would determine the fate of the world.
I supposed it would… his and mine anyway.
I knew what I was supposed to say. It would be the easiest and cleanest way to accomplish what needed to be done.
“When?” I asked.
Definitely not the word that the voice of doubt had ordered me to say. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I knew this thing with Rush needed to come to a quick and clean end, but I couldn’t let him go.
Not yet.
The worst part was that I was acting out of pure selfishness. While I no longer had any doubt that Rush truly believed he had feelings for me, there would come a day when he wanted out. Even if by some miracle the antiviral therapy finally began to work and my viral load became undetectable, what could I offer a man like Rush? My life was a mess and would be for the foreseeable future. I didn’t even have a plan for myself, so how could I hope to build something with a man who deserved so much more. And if I did get sick, Rush would waste days, weeks, months caring for me because he felt obligated to do so.