I had no clue if he was still talking about the books or something else. This time, I did find the need to stall for time to process everything that was happening, so I responded, “Do you?”
Good Lord, why had I asked him that? I’d meant to tell him that no, I didn’t believe it… not for me anyway, but as usual, the words I intended to say got mixed up with the ones that formed the question I really wanted an answer to.
Rush smiled softly and glanced down at Pip. His big hand dwarfed the kitten as he continued to pet him. The mere thought of those strong fingers drifting over my skin made my insides feel hot.
When Rush’s eyes lifted to meet mine, I felt ensnared.
Trapped.
With no desire to escape.
“Absolutely,” Rush said.
His answer shouldn’t have lit that little spark inside of me that I’d purposefully doused years earlier. The one I’d worked to snuff out from the moment I’d realized that I’d never be strong enough to search for my own happily ever after.
“Does every love story unfold like they do in those books?” Rush murmured as his eyes shifted toward my kitchen and presumably the three boxes of romance novels sitting on the island. “No, not likely,” he continued. “But I think that’s the point of those stories… everyone’s love story is different.” Rush paused for a moment before adding, “Different but no less magical.”
I wasn’t sure how long I stared at him in mute fascination before I caught myself. “Not everyone gets a happily ever after,” I said softly as I pulled out some latex gloves and began putting them on.
“No… no, they don’t,” Rush agreed.
I could practically feel his eyes on me. It was unnerving, but it didn’t scare me. Not like when other men watched me.
I pulled my penlight out of my medical kit and forced myself to look at Rush. He hadn’t moved, and I was right about the whole watching thing. I flicked the light on and said, “I want to check the cut to make sure there’s no glass in it.”
Rush obliged me without a word and leaned forward as much as he could without disturbing Pip. I closed the distance between us and flicked the light up to the wound. I tried to ignore the slight tremble in my hand, but considering there was a bright light bouncing around on Rush’s tanned skin, it was pretty much impossible.
“Do you have one?” I blurted before I could stop myself.
What the hell, Christopher?
“One what?” Rush asked, his breath washing over my arm in a whisper of a caress. “A happily ever after? Or a love story?”
“Forget I asked that. It’s none of my business,” I said quickly as I finished examining the cut and tried to force myself into autopilot mode. A few minutes ago, I’d been hung up on Rush’s every word, but now I wanted to escape with what was left of my pride.
I was in the process of reaching for an antiseptic wipe when Rush’s fingers ghosted over the arm I hadn’t even realized I was resting on his knee. The touch did what Rush had probably intended.
It got my attention.
A hundred and ten percent of it.
“Not yet,” he said softly as our eyes met yet again. “Not yet,” he repeated even more quietly as his eyes filled with that unnamed emotion that had stopped me short in the club that night.
The reminder of how I’d met the man was the same as being doused with ice water. My skin went cold even as my insides filled with an ugly, terrible heat. My stomach rolled violently as I tried desperately to remain even-keeled. I must have managed it because Rush stopped touching me, and I could feel his eyes shifting away.
Oh God, didn’t he know that I needed that little bit of connection? That touch that reminded me I was safe?
“A couple of my exes could put the villains in those books to shame.” Rush let out a dry laugh before adding, “One girl actually left a live rabbit in my bed and a pot of water boiling on my stove. Thankfully the rabbit wasn’t hurt, but she did trash my apartment.:
I wanted to laugh. I really did. I wanted to ask him what had happened to the rabbit… and the ex.
But to talk I needed to be able to breathe, and it felt like there was a ten-ton weight on my chest.
Please, Christopher, I just want to be with you. I love you.
My stomach cramped hard, and then the telltale sign of saliva began to pool in my mouth. I tried to swallow the sensation back down as I attempted to clumsily climb to my feet.
Unfortunately, Rush chose that moment to close his fingers around my wrist.
“Christopher?”
I shook my head and desperately tried to pull free of his hold, but even if Rush had gotten the clumsy, silent message, it was already too late. As I began retching, I dropped back down on the ottoman and just let it happen.