There was no other choice. I had to leave. Otherwise, I was going to tell her.
The words were trying to leap out of my mouth. I had to clench my jaw shut just to stop myself from blurting them out. It was damn painful, keeping it all inside when I just wanted to tell her the truth.
“I want you even more now that I know you’re a virgin,” I wanted to say. “You belong to me, Kyra. Every single inch of your young virginal body is mine. We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives. The idea of another man touching you makes me sick. That’s why it’s better this way. Now I know you’ll always be mine, only mine. Forever.”
I had to leave before I told her all of that. It’s an insane thing to think, let alone to say. I’ve got no doubt she would’ve looked at me like I was insane.
But I can’t outrun the feeling. Even in my home gym, pounding my punching bag as sweat makes my T-shirt stick to my skin, I can’t forget about the way her lips tasted, the way her body vibrated against mine.
All during today’s shooting, my gaze scanned over the blackness behind the cameras in search of my Kyra. I know she stayed at the apartment last night. My fixer told me he’d delivered her things, and I know she took the car service this morning… my driver told me so.
But I didn’t see her all day. Maybe that was for the best because I had a so-called date with Oaklyn this evening.
It was hell.
After learning about Kyra’s virginity – about how much she belongs to me, and me alone – it was a struggle to pretend with the contestants. Oaklyn came on heavy, trying to be flirty in the extreme, and all I could do was smile tightly and give her stilted answers.
She isn’t Kyra. None of them even come close to her.
What am I supposed to do?
I snarl as my fist crashes into the punching bag, causing it to whine as it rocks back and forth. I’m about to hit it again when my cell phone goes off.
Turning quickly, I almost run across the gym. I’ve held off on texting Kyra because I don’t trust myself. I know I’ll tell her everything. But the idea of never talking to her again… it’s unthinkable. So I’m back to my original question.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
It’s not Kyra. It’s Jack. He rarely calls me after working hours unless there’s an emergency.
“What’s up?” I say, answering.
“You tell me.”
“What do you mean?”
He sighs. “Don’t try to give me the runaround, Kayden. We both know you were one grumpy bastard during your meal tonight. I get that you’re going to have favorites among the contestants. That’s the point. But you gave her… nothing, man. It was like you were angry with her. Remember, we’re trying to get away from the whole grumpy-CEO angle here.”
I pace to one side of the room, and then to the opposite corner. My home gym is large, but so are my strides. I cross the distance twice and still, I haven’t responded.
“Well?” Jack says. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“I don’t want any of them.”
“I know. You want the woman of your dreams. And I’m sorry. I really am. But I don’t think she exists. So you might as well put some effort in with the—”
“I found her,” I snap. “And she’s a thousand times the woman any of those contestants are.”
“Wait, what? You found her?”
“Yes.” I grip the phone tightly. “She’s working as a production runner and she’s everything I’ve ever wanted. Jesus Christ, Jack. You don’t know how difficult it’s been keeping this to myself. I… I need her. I need her forever. She’s all I think about. All the time. Every single second of the day. When I wake up, she’s there. When I go to sleep, she’s there. So if I seemed a little fucking grumpy, that’s why. I can’t pretend with these other women when my woman is backstage somewhere, waiting for me.”
I stop, heaving in gruff breaths. I didn’t plan on going off like that. But it was like a dam bust, letting all my true feelings flow out.
“I’ve never heard you like this before,” Jack says after a pause. “Who is she?”
“Her name is Kyra. She’s going to be a movie director one day.
There’s a pause.
“Jack?”
“I’m still here. I’m just trying to process it all. So have you spoken?”
“Yeah. She’s great. She’s funny and shy and lovely and passionate and… Listen to me, man. I’m gushing here. But I can’t help it.”
“Have you… you know?”
“Why would you ask me that?” I snap.
I know Jack’s only trying to help but the thought of discussing my woman sexually with anyone else makes me want to break something. Even if I know Jack is committed to his wife and his family, and he’d never let himself think about another woman, when it comes to sex, only I get to talk or think about Kyra.