When I reached the front of my property and heard the squeal of tires, I didn’t react fast enough. Put the image of a half-naked, tanned woman in the mind of a man who’d nearly frozen his nuts off and who wouldn’t miss a car fishtailing off the road?
Right into my ditch.
Tires spun, spewing up snow and dirt and tiny rocks, and a horn went off about sixteen times. And I stared, my wood in my arms. Shocked as hell that anyone had even come down this practically deserted road in the first place, never mind took the curve way too fast and gone ass up in the ditch.
The chick was now attempting to shimmy her way out of the driver’s side window. Painfully. With no shortage of groans and screeches and noises no adult female should ever make.
Since she was moving—and frantically at that—I had to figure she couldn’t be too badly injured. Still, she could have done harm to herself she’d yet to realize.
With more than a small sigh, I set down the wood on the short set of steps to the cabin, brushed off my hands on the thighs of my jeans, and trudged down the snowy hill to where the squealing damsel’s car was lodged.
She turned her neck and gave me the biggest, brightest smile I’d ever seen. I was a little taken aback, since she was half in and half out of a window and her car was fucked up, if not totaled. It appeared to be an older model under the snow and grime, and an accident like hers could screw up the frame. If that happened, the vehicle was shot.
Not that she seemed worried overmuch.
“Hi!” she called over the rushing wind, her voice as cheerful as her expression. “Thank God for you.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I came around the ditch and eyed her lopsided car. “Yep, well and truly stuck.”
She blinked at me from under the pink fringe of a stocking cap. “It’s just a little fender bender.”
“Oh yeah? Then why are you climbing out of the window?”
She wiggled. “Because the door won’t open.”
“Seems a bit worse than a fender bender to me.” I came around the driver’s side, hooked my hands under her armpits in her heavy down coat, and simply plucked her out of the car.
Only afterward did I think of possible internal injuries. Though what possible injury could’ve allowed her to jump and dance around now that she’d been freed, I did not know.
The other thing I noticed about her right away? She was dressed as if she was in competition with the Michelin man, except her bulk was made out of layers. Many layers. She had earmuffs under her hat to go with her bulky scarf, huge coat, ski pants—likely layered over thermals—and some serious freaking boots with enough snaps and ties to secure a horse.
And yet she was still jumping around, blowing on her gloved fingers, and laughing like a crazy person.
“Whoa, that was nuts. I seriously feared for my life. I saw Jesus and heard angels and all that stuff.” She frowned at her car with its likely bent axel. “I paid extra for the best snow tires. I still skidded. That seems like a warranty violation. Don’t you think?”
What I thought was this chick was going to talk my head off.
“The forecast predicted two feet today. Typical lake effect. Are you not from around here?” Though it was hard to believe someone from a warmer climate would’ve been that well-prepared, but maybe. They did tend to have thinner blood than us hardy northern types.
Though what the hell was I saying? I was a California boy now too.
Happily.
I’d never actually heard someone roll their eyes at me before, but her disgust was palpable. “Hello, look at me. Do I seem unprepared for this weather? If anything, I overprepared. In my trunk, I have a spare battery kit, a First-Aid kit, a tire repair kit—”
“Lady, I got it. You’re prepared. You just spun out. It happens.”
She propped her hands on her hips. Or at least where I figured her hips would be. Hard to tell with her coat.
“Very pragmatic of you, buddy, but now what? I’m stuck and I need to get to Mrs. Pringles’ before she goes to New Year’s Eve mass. This is her first year without her husband, and she puts on a brave face, but she and Joe were so in love. It was sweet to see, really. And if I can’t get there before mass, then I’ll have to wait until she gets back, or worse yet, go join her in the church, which would be okay except I kind of got ex-communicated last year.”
I wiped away the flakes collecting on my face. I would’ve hoped my expression coupled with how I looked might’ve intimidated her—big, burly, bearded—but if anything fazed this one, it wasn’t me glaring at her during
her endless monologue.
“I’m sure I’ll regret asking this, but why, exactly, do you need to go to grandmother’s house?”
She brushed snow off the arms of her coat. It was coming down faster than she could efficiently whisk it away. “Oh, she’s not my grandmother—”