There was absolutely no reason for my eyes to well up. “Yeah.”
Ivy swallowed audibly. “Look, I know he has this whole ‘parental hands-off’ vibe, but I think he’s just intimidated by the prospect.”
“He’s not the only one. Only difference is he doesn’t have a womb.”
“Unless there’s something he neglected to tell us, no. But...” That but hung in the air between us. “Anyone can see how he is with kids. He has a gift with them. Relates to them in a way most of us can’t.”
I dashed at the deluge now dripping off my chin. “Sure that’s not because he has a similar maturity level?” I held up a hand before she could speak. “Sorry, not fair. For one, he’s your brother. You shouldn’t be put in the middle. And secondly, he hasn’t done anything wrong. Nothing has to change.”
“You should take a test.”
“I don’t need to.”
Alarm contorted her features. “No, you can’t do that. He deserves to know. How can you assume he won’t step up? He’s a good guy, I swear he is. If it’ll make it easier, I can come with you to tell him. You have to tell him,” she pleaded, turning her hand over to fiercely grip mine. “It would kill him not to know.”
“I never said I wouldn’t—oh, no, you think I meant…” Rapidly, I shook my head. “No. Of course I’ll tell him.”
Someday. When I grew some lady balls or when I busted through the seams of my dress, either or.
She narrowed her eyes. “You don’t need a test, but you swear you’re not thinking of not going…along with it?”
“I don’t need one because I know. I think I’ve been in some denial, but now I’m not.” I released a slow, steady breath, cocking my head as her energy took on a cool blue hue from the pulsing red it had been just a second before. Auras lately had been getting stronger and stronger for me. Yet I’d tried not to notice, like the other changes I’d resisted seeing. “You were so worried you were going to lose your niece or nephew.”
“My niece or nephew.” She closed her eyes before opening them again and focusing on mine. “God, yes, I was. I didn’t know what you were thinking.”
“Not that. Never that.”
“Good. I’m glad.” She yanked out her phone and glanced at it. “Shit.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Just time to pick up Rhi. Though my mom won’t want to give her up. She loves being a Nana way more than she liked dealing with us kids when we were small.”
I tried to keep my smile in place, but my lips quivered. “Mine won’t ever know what that’s like.”
“What?”
“Having a grandmother to dote on him or her. My mother—we aren’t close.”
Understatement of the millennium. We hadn’t talked in years. There was no indication that would change anytime soon. Not unless I gave up the parts of myself that made me me and I wouldn’t do that for anyone.
“Oh, sweetie.” Ivy slid closer to me on the settee and slung her arm around my shoulders, squeezing hard as she tipped her head against mine. “You’re not just gaining a…Caleb, you’re getting the whole Beck family. My mom will love your baby every bit as much as her other grandkids. You don’t have to worry about that, I promise.”
Her words set off a soft pink glow in my chest. Not for me, but for the baby. I’d grown used to making my own family. I had April and Ryan and now she had Preston, which was another branch. Maybe someday I’d even have X in my life again, assuming we ever managed to make it through a conversation.
Or if I ever dared to trust him again.
Knowing I had a child on the way changed things. I wanted him or her to have loved ones to count on. Even so, I wasn’t going to build myself up with false hopes.
No matter what, I was a realist. I always trusted the universe to provide what was for my highest good.
That didn’t mean I didn’t ever delude myself. At least it never lasted long.
“We’re supposed to be having dinner tomorrow night with Ry and Preston. Can you come?” This time, my smile was genuine. “I’d really love it if you were there.”
Ivy frowned. “Oh, I would, but Rory’s coming home tomorrow, and I can’t guarantee what time he’ll be getting in.”
“If you’d rather catch up alone, I totally understand. But if you want to join us, you’re welcome whenever you can make it. Rhiannon too,” I added, hoping everyone else agreed.