I reached out and fisted the plaid comforter. This room got drafty, so I appreciated the fireplace in the corner on cold nights. I wanted Gina to be here. Even a few hours of silence from her felt unbearable.
“I want that. But just because she’s the best thing for me, maybe I’m not the best thing for her. I can’t seem to juggle my job and her and the baby.”
“You’ve been trying for, what, a week and a half? No one learns that fast. But I never pegged you for a quitter.”
“Sometimes quitting is the better thing for someone.”
He surprised me with a gruff chuckle. “Boy, you can’t stand back and see the way that girl looks at you. It’s a mixture of X-rated thoughts and affection and just plain admiration. Could be you just need to say yes for a while. Just yes. Don’t make everything so hard. Loosen up.”
My eyebrow lifted. “My old man is telling me to loosen up?”
“I know, I know, sheriffs are usually hard-living partiers, but someone forgot to clue you in.”
“The last time I ‘partied’ I ended up with a kid I never expected.”
“And I’ll bet she’s the best thing that ever happened to you. If not yet, she will be. Mark my words. You have it in you to be a darn good father. Not acknowledging that about yourself doesn’t make it any less true.”
“I’m trying,” I said quietly, glancing toward the baby monitor when Sami made a soft snuffling sound. Sadie hadn’t joined me in the bedroom, so I was sure she was keeping watch. “Failing more than succeeding so far, but I’m trying.”
“My money’s on you. I’m looking forward to learning to be a PawPaw.”
The nickname made me laugh—and breathe another sigh of gratitude. “Where did you get that from?”
“Ed down the street has a granddaughter. Sweetest little thing. She calls him PawPaw. I think I may steal it. Sounds more dignified than Gramps.”
I laughed again. “I’m just glad you want to be there for her. She needs us, Dad. Every one of us. I’m not enough—”
“You stop that right now. You think I didn’t have the same fears when your mother left? And I had two. I went from just being a dad after dinner to being everything for you both. Hell, maybe that’s why she left. I’ll never know. But I do know you boys saved me. I would’ve gone under without you, that’s the God’s truth.”
My eyes burned as I sat up and pushed a hand through my hair. “I just don’t want her to ever feel less. I want to make up for everything her mother took away.”
“You will. You already are. You and Gina.”
I shut my eyes. The idea of raising Sami without her by my side was incomprehensible. How could we go back to being just friends after this?
If she even still wanted to be my friend after tonight’s colossal mess.
Maybe my dad was right. All I needed was some practice.
I had to try. If I couldn’t get it right with her, so be it, but I had to see if I could figure out how we could still be best friends and so much more.
Partners in every sense of the word.
“Can you send over some of those white orchids to her tomorrow? Like, I don’t know, three dozen?”
My father barked out a laugh. “Doesn’t work that way with orchids, but let me handle it. What would you like on the card?”
I rose as the baby started fussing in the other room. Time for daddy duty again.
It wasn’t as awkward as it had been just a few days ago. I was learning.
“‘I’m sorry, Bee.’ Just that. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now when can I see that sweetheart of yours? We have a lot of time to make up for.”
I shifted from foot to foot. “Well, turns out I’m probably going to need a sitter Saturday night.”
“Oh, yeah? Think I can shuffle my schedule. At the station that night?”