While I reeled and tried to breathe through the shock and pain arcing through my chest, Jessica zeroed in on Macy. “Or maybe seventy-five/twenty-five, considering negative influences.”
Nine
I’d been on a lot of first dates. More of those than any other actually, since most guys weren’t fit for a second or third. At least not fit to my way of thinking. I was sure a lot of the men I’d tossed back into the lake would make some other chick very happy someday.
Me? I was kinda like that Garbage song, “Only Happy When It Rains.” I wasn’t miserable by nature, far from it. But I rather liked poking my head out of my trash can Oscar the Grouch-style and lamenting the general state of the world.
Yeah, so I looked for reasons to stay single. It was easier that way. Safer. Less problematic.
But I’d never had a guy show up for a first date and split before we’d even made it to dinner.
To be fair, Gideon hadn’t left the property entirely. I knew that because Vee and I were crowded at the window beside the back door, watching as he paced and kicked at nonexistent rocks and twigs.
“You should go talk to him.”
“And say what?”
“Well, I didn’t hear everything that was said—”
“You liar. You probably attached a listening device to her cup when you served her.”
Vee blinked her big eyes at me in the perfect picture of innocence. “I
don’t have a clue what you mean.”
I snorted. “Right. Look, I appreciate your finely attuned hearing—probably mommy ears, right?—because it’s what brought me downstairs in the first place. Although I didn’t exactly help. I tried,” I muttered, shutting my eyes against the sour flavor in my throat. It tasted an awful lot like regret. “I got a little jealous, okay, yeah. I mean, I had a date with the dude. Have,” I corrected, despite that not being at all certain. “Seeing him with his ex kinda knifed me in the guts a little, but I dealt with it. She’s just a stone-cold bitch.”
Who wanted to take his kid from him, for at least half the year. If not more.
“I’m not a fucking negative influence,” I added for good measure. “I’m an upstanding businesswoman who has added extensive value to this community. And so what if I have a Jason mask on the light outside? Is that a crime?”
“Definitely not.” Vee gnawed on her thumbnail as she strained closer to the narrow window, pressing her rather large belly against the wall to get the best vantage point possible.
I snatched her arm and tugged her back. “Be careful. You’ll crush them.”
She laughed at me. Actually laughed. “You know, you could try letting someone else see your gooey caramel center. Just for a change.”
“I don’t have a gooey anything.” I sniffed. Except I did, a side of myself I kept not only under lock and key but armored guard.
“Liar. I saw you on Gideon’s lap. I’d say you were plenty gooey after that.”
“Whole different kind of melting going on there, chick.”
“Look at him.” Vee jabbed one of her short rainbow-colored nails at the window.
I looked and my heart ached. I didn’t like to admit I had anything in the center of my chest, preferring to believe that area was concave and/or possibly filled with coffee grounds, since I mainlined the stuff. But even I couldn’t deny that taking in the hunched curve of Gideon’s shoulders and the quick clip of his pacing feet made that stupid organ physically hurt for him.
It was partially my fault. I’d helped goad the tigress with the dark roots. She’d deserved every word that I’d blasted her with, but Gideon didn’t. Dani didn’t. If anything I’d done had pushed Jessica to demand custody, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
Like, oh, sitting on Gideon’s lap like he was a prized steer.
And antagonizing Jessica.
And taunting her over her lack of mothering skills.
Minor things, really. Except not.
“I gotta go out there.” I pushed my hair out of my eyes and rued that I couldn’t shove my hands through it in frustration.