I drove away from my first day helping Ivy with her truck feeling dejected. Probably rejected too. I understood she had a higher responsibility to someone other than herself now, but God, that only made me want her more.
That was my child she was fighting to protect.
My child she cared about more than her own needs—assuming she still had some in my direction.
All right, caveman, cool it. It’s her child too.
Our baby she was working so hard to provide for.
If she thought shoving a paintbrush in my hand was enough to drive me back to California, she was sorely mistaken. I was only digging in my heels more.
I didn’t have one clue how to be a parent to a child. But others did it every day. Including people I never would’ve guessed would have wanted that role so soon in life.
Not everything occurred on schedules. Sometimes timetables were moved up and you had to deal.
So, I could learn too. On the fly if need be. And I was heading out right now for some on-the-job training.
Oddly, I wasn’t in the mood for music. I could count on one hand the times I could’ve said that. Even after Darla, I’d filled my world with sound so I could try to forget.
With Ivy, I’d quickly realized no wall of words and melodies could drown her out inside me.
I didn’t want them to.
It took me the better part of an hour to reach Happy Acres. I’d taken a meandering route on purpose. I didn’t know exactly how to tell Ian what I’d done. What we’d done. I’d given him so much grief about knocking up Zoe shortly after they’d gotten back together, but he’d been so certain.
When you know, you know. And too fast doesn’t exist.
I understood now what he meant and that scared me fucking senseless. Even the baby thing, while unexpected, didn’t seem out of place. I didn’t know the first thing what to do with a kid, but all of our timetables had been on hyper-speed since day one. Why should this be any different?
That didn’t mean I was going to tell Ian he was right. He was arrogant enough already. I’d just slide in and observe what worked best with Zoe in her maternal state. I needed help.
Lots and lots of tips.
I pulled up the gravel driveway that led to the huge parking lot closest to the main store. I made myself get right out because it would’ve been too easy to sit in that relentless sun, ruminating. Trying to come up with a plan of attack for how to tell Ian and still not look like a jackass without a clue. But being with Ivy had taught me sometimes spur-of-the-moment was best.
School was newly out for summer, so the place was teeming with parents and children. So many little ones. All crying and yelling and laughing and wanting things. Piggyback rides—I could handle that—and cotton candy—still okay—and a turn on the pony—say what?
Then there were bathroom requests and petty squabbles with siblings, which I’d had my own fair share of as a child. My da hadn’t put up with backtalk, however, and these children seemed born to backtalk.
Would mine be that way? Probably. I wasn’t exactly the conformist type myself.
I finally made it through the crowd and opened the front door to the store. I’d assumed I would have to go looking for Ian and Zoe.
No, sirree. They were holding court right on the main floor.
Zoe stomped past me, her silver braid flying. She didn’t even notice me in her annoyance. “Did I not tell you I didn’t want to talk right now? Go away.”
Ian didn’t look my way either as he followed. “You know better than getting up on that ladder, Magic. If I hadn’t been there, you could’ve fallen and—”
“I didn’t fall until you startled me with your shrieking about my tendency to fall. Pain in the as—” She broke off and cleared her throat, apparently recalling children were nearby. “Rear that you are.” She whirled and gave him a shove not befitting two happily engaged parents-to-be.
Then I saw the sparkler on her hand and was nearly permanently blinded.
“My God, you finally manned up.”
Neither of them appeared to hear me. I hadn’t spoken very loudly. The place was full of customers and everyone was laughing, talking, and generally making noise. So, I tried again.
“I did it to Ivy.”