‘Sensible?’ Callum snorted, but he did not explain his amusement and his expression, when she glanced up at his profile, was rueful. ‘Yes, I suppose I am. Most of the time.’
‘And Daniel was not?’
For a moment she wondered if she was wrong to ask him to talk of his twin, then he shrugged. ‘Daniel was not … Daniel was impulsive. He let himself feel and then acted on those feelings without, sometimes, thinking it through.’
‘Such as the time he proposed to me?’
‘Perhaps. He was spontaneous and open and generous.’
‘You are generous,’ she offered.
‘But not spontaneous and open.’
‘That does not mean you do not feel, that you do not care. That you do not have as much emotion inside, even if you do not show it on the outside.’
‘Would you wish me to be more open about my feelings, Sophia?’
She looked up from under the brim of her bonnet and caught a glimpse of heat that made her heart skip a beat. Did he mean physically? ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Yes, I would.’ He said nothing, simply tucked her hand more firmly into the crook of his arm. ‘I like it here,’ Sophia remarked a few minutes later when it seemed that the subjects of mistresses and feelings were to be put behind them without further discussion. In the distance she could see the towers of Westminster Abbey floating like a mirage above the trees. I really am in London, she thought. This is my new life.
‘London?’
‘Green Park. I do not feel ready to face the fashionable throng in Hyde Park, even if it were proper that I should.’
‘Because you are shy?’
‘I am afraid so!’ She laughed at her own nervousness. It was absurd that she, who only weeks before had been resolved upon making her own way in the world by finding employment, should become anxious when she had a gentleman to protect her. Or perhaps that was the problem: Callum would tell her what to do, provide for her, and she would become a grateful, obedient puppet.
There was that uncomfortable thought about independence again. Well-bred ladies observed certain constraints on their behaviour, of course, but she had as good an education as a girl could hope for, she had ideas in her head, some talents to her name. She wanted to spread her wings, to be herself.
‘You have no need to be shy,’ Callum said when she did not expand on her admission. ‘You are personable, you have all the social arts. You were a great success at the party last night. You enjoyed it, did you not?’
‘Thank you. Yes, I did find it entertaining.’ And she had. How foolish to have accepted a marriage of convenience and then wish for more.
Callum pointed out some of the fine buildings overlooking the park and they stopped to admire the elegance of Spencer House. ‘Rather more splendid than our little dwelling,’ he said. ‘A house in Half Moon Street is hardly up to what you might expect after Flamborough Hall.’
‘But it is a very fashionable street and well located. What on earth would I do rattling around all day in something the size of the Hall?’ she asked. ‘I never expected a large town house.’
‘When I am able to sort out my affairs, and can see how I am placed now I am settled in England with this new post, then we will find something larger. Half Moon Street is too small for a family, in any case.’
Startled, Sophia looked up at him and realised her free hand had gone to her belly in an instinctive gesture. ‘Well, that will not be for nine months at the very least,’ she said. ‘If you want … I mean, it is convenient again …’ Her voice trailed off.
Was he thinking about lovemaking too, or her failure to conceive yet? His arm tensed, pressing her hand tighter to his side and he shot her a dark, smouldering glance that made her toes curl in her kid half-boots and sent a shaft of heat into the pit of her stomach. Goodness, that answered that question! When he looked like that he disturbed her too much for her own peace of mind. She still hoped that when they made love she could overcome whatever it was that seemed to stop her giving way to the feelings she knew hovered just out of reach. But she had told him to be more open, she had invited this.
‘Shall we walk on?’ Callum changed direction, back into the centre of the park, and Sophia struggled to find a safe topic of conversation. Do you mean to take me home and make love to me in daylight? was probably an inadmissible question.
‘Would it be considered fast if I were to come here to sketch?’ she asked as they approached a small stand of trees ringed by shrubs. ‘I would bring Chivers, of course. Or should it be a footman?’
‘A footman might be wise, just in case some park saunterer takes a fancy to annoy you,’ Callum said. ‘That looks a pleasant spot.’ He strolled towards a bench that stood in a green glade almost surrounded by bushes. Sophia’s pulse gave a little kick of anticipation, but all he said as they seated themselves was, ‘Tell me more about your art. You said it was the most important thing to you after your family.’
‘Mainly I draw in pencil or in chalks and pastels. I draw anything and everything,’ she added. ‘Portraits, landscapes, still life … But I am only an amateur.’ Even as she said that she felt uncomfortable to be belittling such an important part of her life, her creative expression. She knew many gentlemen would consider it unsuitable for their wives to have an almost professional interest in what should be a lady’s genteel diversion. If Callum knew she was contemplating selling her drawings he could not approve, she was certain. A dutiful wife would not even contemplate it.
‘I suspect it will be better than that.’ Callum shifted on the bench and laid his arm along the back of it behind her shoulders. ‘I can recall when Daniel was courting you that you were always smudged with charcoal or leaving white fingerprints from chalk. And there were attempts at portraiture that Daniel bore very patiently.’
‘They were very bad,’ Sophia admitted, recalling the best of them, the miniature that she kept with his letters. Those had stayed behind in her old room in Hertfordshire.
‘But I cannot believe you have not improved with practice,’ Callum said.
‘I hope so, or I am seriously deluded!’