“I’m dirty,” I admit to her, staying with the safest answer to her open-ended question.
“I don’t care, Tyler.”
“What changed?” It’s a question that’s been sitting on the tip of my tongue since last night. Savannah did this complete turnaround and while I’m grateful, I’m also skeptical.
Moving to the side, I leave half my body still on her. She moves her leg, locking it behind mine and effectively keeping me in place.
“Yesterday when I went inside to get ready, my mom called and I thought she’d be happy to talk to me, but she wasn’t. She was short and rude, reminding me that I screwed up and that I better not do the same crap here too. I was so angry that I took it out on you. You were trying to be nice, and I didn’t deserve it. When you left me in your truck, I thought, ‘Wow, I must not be important to him either.’ I went into your house thinking I’d snoop. Treat you like you were treating me, but when I saw the pictures of us on your mantel, something inside of me clicked. I started remembering us before I moved and how I used to smile. How you used to make me smile. My friends in New York, they don’t smile, not like you and Jeremiah.”
“How do we smile?”
Savannah moves so she can see me clearly. “When you smile, you light up the whole room. Your smile means that you’re happy. I haven’t smiled like that in years and wanted to remember what it felt like.”
“So you thought you’d kiss me?” I ask, playfully.
“No, that was something I wanted to do since that day in the kitchen. I just didn’t know how you’d react. I mean, I had a pretty good idea from earlier in the day when you held onto my hip, but I was being an epic bitch and was just praying you wouldn’t push me away.”
“I’d never push you away, Savannah.”
She snuggles into my chest, draping her arm around me. I’m not sure if this is the right time, but I have to ask. “Sweetheart, why’d you get sent here?”
She sighs and moves her hand to the back of my head. Her fingers glide along the nape of my neck. “I had a party. Mom was never home, I was lonely and desperate to fit in. You know at first when we moved, things were great. We went to the park, tou
red some museums, all stuff we didn’t do here, but she quickly got promoted and started spending more and more time at work or when she was home, she was locked in her office. My mom was rising up the ranks as one of those big time celebrity lawyers you see on TV and while she looked great and powerful to everyone else, she was ignoring me. I could go two, three nights before I’d see her and one night I reached my breaking point. I invited friends over and things got out of hand. She um… caught me with a boy in my bed. I was drunk and there were people all over the apartment in various states of undress. She found some cocaine residue on her mirror and freaked out. Even though I passed the drug test she gave me, she still opted to send me here to fix myself.”
I pull her closer, hugging her to me. Life here is so laid back, but I get that her mom would be mad. “I’d be pissed too if I came home and found you like that.”
“Pissed enough to send me away, or to start coming home from work at night?”
She had me there. My mom was always home by dinnertime and is always there when I need her. I didn’t grow up not seeing her. “My anger would be more directed at the boy in your bed. That would piss me off the most, but work is never more important than family.”
“It is when you’re trying to screw the boss’s niece. Get the hell up you lazy asses.”
We both jump, causing Jeremiah to cackle loudly as he leaves the barn.
“Shit,” I mutter. “I didn’t want him to see us.”
Savannah pulls away quickly, scrambling to her feet. “Why not?” there’s pain in her voice. I reach for her, only for her to pull away.
“Because he’s an ass, that’s why. He’s a freaking child, Savannah. It’s not because I don’t want him to know, it’s because of the torment we’re going to receive. Believe me, sweetheart, I’ll be shouting that you’re mine from the rooftops when we decide to make it official.”
“What’s it going to take?”
I pull her to me, capturing her lips with mine. “You tell me.”
I leave her standing there with her mouth wide open. It’d be so simple to just fall into her life and be with her if she weren’t leaving. I can’t be the one to make a decision on where we’re going. If she wants to have fun, I’ll show her a good time. If she wants to be together, I’ll be there willing and waiting for her to break my heart in the end.
Savannah
I rush through my homework, knowing that Aunt Sue won’t let me go out with Tyler tonight if it’s not done. It doesn’t matter that it’s Friday; rules are rules here, and they’re not meant to be broken. I know they mean well, but it’s hard to concentrate knowing that Tyler is waiting for me. He’s going to take me on a date. Well, I’m calling it a date. I don’t care that it’s not to some five-star restaurant with a maître d’ and fake accent. It’s a night with Tyler and his friends and I want to see him interact, see who he’s become. I want to learn what makes him tick and how to make him laugh. I have a feeling he’s different in front of his friends. I just hope he doesn’t put up a front while I’m there.
My mind drifts back to the barn and how comfortable I was in his arms. My heart was racing, laying there with him on top of me. It wasn’t like before, when my mom caught me. Everything about that night was wrong. The way he touched me. The way his lips felt against my skin. I had expectations and feelings that I thought would surface, but they never did. With Tyler, my senses are heightened. I don’t have to wonder how my body will react because it knows him. How it can remember him from when I was twelve is unbelievable. I know our moms used to joke that we’d get married when we were older¸ but I never thought anything of it. Poppycock is what Uncle Bobby would say, but maybe they were right. What else explains my sweaty palms, my inability to breathe and the anxiousness I feel when he’s around? It’s not just when he’s standing next to me but when he’s across the pasture or standing in the kitchen. I feel his presence all the time.
I should be scared because, when you think about it, it’s creepy having those types of reactions when you hardly know someone. My knees shouldn’t go weak when he smiles at me. I shouldn’t find myself smiling at the silliest of thoughts, things like when he brushes up against me, but that’s what I’m doing. I can hear my heartbeat over the loud roar of the tractor and not just when he’s near – it’s in anticipation of when I’ll see him. I didn’t know how today would go. I wasn’t sure if I’d see him before lunch. He made sure I did, working alongside of me until it was quitting time. For the first time since I arrived, I actually loved my job today.
My cursor blinks at me, reminding me that I should be filling the screen with useless words that don’t mean anything to me. Homeschooling has a lot of benefits, one being if I ace this paper I’m done with this class. Sure I’m going to miss graduation in a few weeks, but I don’t care. When my mom busted the party, they all went running. Not a single one of them stayed to help clean up, or helped me to diffuse the situation. Not a single one of them spoke to me the following Monday at school, shunning me due to their own selfish reasons. They left me alone, throwing me to the sharks of high school rejection.
The more I think about it, the happier I am that my mom sent me here. In just a few weeks I’ve remembered what it’s like to live here, breathe the cleaner air and relish in the calm that comes with living out in the country. I miss the amenities that living in the city provides, but I’m managing. It’s nice not to be tied to my phone all the time, or sitting in my room surfing the web.