He leans forward, the scruff on his chin rubbing against my neck. “Ian told me about your newest infatuation.”
“He told you?” I choke on my words.
“Of course he did. You know we’re good for each other. We just got lo
st a little along the way. Don’t think for a minute I’m going to let some little kid stand in my way.”
He pushes off the door, leaving me standing here. Anger builds inside of me as I bang my head against the front door. I don’t understand why things have to be like this. What does Ian think this he’s going to accomplish? That I’m going to stop seeing Ryan?
Pulling open the door, I don’t bother shutting it behind me. Childish, I know, but he can deal with the bugs. I realize quickly that I don’t have a car. I have two options: sit on the steps and wait, or walk. I’ll walk.
I look down at my feet and stare at my high heels. Why did I wear these today? Why did I even get dressed up to come to a meeting with Ian? I slip off my shoes and dangle them from my fingertips like some Hollywood starlet. At least the pavement is cool and not burning the pads of my feet. I could call a cab, but think I need this time to think things through. I know I need the good publicity that a tour can bring, especially with Coleman, but the last thing I want to do is spend any time with him. I know what happened with us was a long time ago, but I’m not over the hurt and it’s taken me a long time to trust someone again.
I trust Ryan. Even after the homecoming fiasco, I trust him with my heart. I know that he didn’t encourage Dylan in any way and was actually excited to see their homecoming pictures. I did feel a pang of jealousy when he showed them to me, but didn’t want Ryan to know. He wanted to make this night special for Dylan, plus he didn’t want his dad getting suspicious.
I come upon a park and take a detour. The cold grass feels refreshing on my feet. They ache from the rough concrete. I find a shady spot under a tree and sit down. The park is full of kids and either mothers or nannies. You can’t really tell these days, especially here. The kids all look happy, running and screaming, while being chased around jungle gyms. They laugh when they’re caught and squirm to be put down, only to start over. I can’t help but wonder how these kids feel having their parents gone all the time. I don’t know how I’d feel about leaving my child with a nanny all day.
My phone rings and I frantically dig in my purse. When I pull it out, Ryan’s face is smiling back at me. This is a picture he took and sent to me before homecoming. He was all dressed up in a tuxedo again, but this time he captured the moment for me. The first time I saw him like this was at the charity ball and we both forgot to get a picture together.
“Hello?”
“Hey, how was your meeting?”
I close my eyes and wish I didn’t have to tell him. But we promised each other no secrets, no matter how horrible mine might be.
“My meeting sucked, actually.”
He laughs, which makes me feel a little better. He won’t be laughing after I tell him why I don’t want to tour with Coleman Hollister or that I could potentially miss his birthday. A day he and I have been waiting for, for what seems like an eternity now.
“Where are you?” he asks.
“Sitting in a park, watching all these little kids run around and have fun, remembering when I was little. My mom and I would leave right after school and walk to Central Park. I went to this private school in the city and we’d stop at either the pretzel stand or we’d get a bag of hot roasted nuts if it was cold out. I’d play while she graded papers for an hour before we went home to make dinner for my dad.”
“That sounds like a good memory.”
“It is. Just watching these kids makes me miss being a kid.”
“Not me. I’m counting the days until I’m an adult.” Ryan sighs. I know things at home are getting worse for him. His dad has taken away just about any freedom he had. Surprisingly his cell phone has remained a secret, for which I’m thankful. I’m not sure what I’d do if we weren’t able to talk or text every day. I know I complain about not seeing him, but I’ll take whatever I can get.
“Tell me about your meeting.”
“It’s boring,” I whine.
“I don’t care if you sat in a smelly old chair covered in cat fur and had to write your name a hundred times, I want to talk to you and something’s on your mind. So I’m guessing it’s about your meeting.”
“When did my boyfriend become so smart?”
Ryan laughs. “It’s because I have this amazing girlfriend.”
I sigh and close my eyes and pray that what I’m about to tell Ryan won’t change anything between us. One thing’s for sure, I can’t tell him why I’m doing this.
CHAPTER 23
Ryan
We discussed emotions in health class today. Happy, sad, emptiness, longing, lust… they were all covered. Girls giggled, ooh’d and ahh’d and batted their eyelashes at some of the guys in the class. Most of the guys laughed when ‘lust’ was brought up, me included. These feelings I have for Hadley, now that I can start describing them, are increasing even though Dylan told me that they eventually go away and you just fall into a pattern of mundane reality, which apparently is where her parents are in their marriage.
I’m still fighting the urge to tell Dylan everything. After Homecoming our friendship seems stronger. As much as I wanted to back out and not take her, Hadley was adamant that I escort her for the night. She used words like honor and keeping my word as she yelled at me over the phone. This was just days after she yelled at me in the car. To say I was confused is an understatement.