“Wow, Gary, your wife is a babe. Does she know about your obsession?” he laughs, and Amanda stiffens. “Just kidding, G. Anyway, we miss you and can’t wait for you to come back to work.” The guy shows the “live long and prosper” sign from Spock before the screen goes blank. The room turns into an awkward silence where all you can hear is the clicking from the cameras above us. If this was to make Gary feel better about himself, it definitely didn’t do the trick.
The next video starts and Millie immediately starts waving. “That’s my mom and dad,” she explains through a broken voice.
“Hi Millie, Cole, and the rest of the house. We just want to say that we’re very proud of you and can’t wait to meet Cole. We love you, Millie.” Mille waves again and immediately gets up and goes to Cole, who welcomes her with open arms. I stare at them, jealousy seeping in because I want what they have. Cole strokes her hair, kissing her softly while she cries into his shoulder. They’ve fallen in love. They’ve done what the show is meant for.
My eyes turn sharply when a voice I know well starts talking. Jules Maxwell stares back at me, and only me, in all her perfection. “Hi Joshie,” she says, as she waves her perfec
tly manicured nails at him. “I can’t wait until this charade is over and you’re home. I miss you. I’ll be there at the finale, waiting to take you home. I love you.” She blows a kiss before the screen goes blank.
My throat tightens and my eyes water. Screw being weak. I don’t know what I was thinking. He warned me from the beginning, but I didn’t want to believe him. Not with his stupid kisses and hand holding. I succumbed to him because of my unrealistic feelings. I thought that I’d be enough. We almost knowingly had sex and it would’ve meant nothing to him. Only a way for him to get his jollies because his hand isn’t doing the trick.
“Joey,” Amanda says softly. I muster up the best smile I can, trying to let her know that I’m okay.
“Excuse me,” I tell the room before getting up. I walk out, without looking at anyone. I don’t need to see their pity and I definitely don’t want to see the look on Joshua’s face. I don’t want him to even acknowledge what just took place, and I don’t really care if he’s upset. His ruse is up. Everyone knows that our marriage is nothing but a sham.
I walk down the hall, unsure of where I’m going to go and hide. The room I share with Josh is off-limits. The only safe place is the bathroom. As I walk by the towels, I grab one and walk as fast I can into the stall, locking the door behind me. My chest aches; I know what’s coming and there isn’t going to be anything I can do to stop it. I was stupid to believe that I could make him fall in love with me. I was stupid to think that I was enough for him, that we could be something outside this house.
My back hits the wall and I slide down, bringing the towel to my mouth as I scream as loud as possible. In the beginning I refused to shed tears over this, over a situation that I knew the outcome of, but I can’t help it. Moments ago, we were about to finally connect as husband and wife, and now this. He never lied, but he led me to believe that we could be different. I should’ve just known that he and Jules weren’t over. It makes sense, the no sex rule, because he doesn’t want to cheat. But he did, he just doesn’t know it.
Kissing isn’t cheating in Hollywood.
I need to get out of here before people start to look for me. I stand and flush the toilet, even though I didn’t use it. When I open the door I half expect Millie and Amanda to be here waiting for me, but why would they? Millie is blissfully happy, and Amanda wants my husband. As far as I’m concerned, she can have him. Maybe she’s a better fit for Josh. One quick check in the mirror tells me that my eyes aren’t puffy, so I’m safe there. I’m going to walk out there with my head held high and into the kitchen because I need chocolate. A cake must be made.
The room is quiet and the television dark. Everyone is still sitting on the couches, but Gary is with Amanda now. Joshua is alone. It’s what he wants, so I’m not going to let that bother me. I step into the pantry and pull out the cake mix and frosting. Chocolate on chocolate ought to do the trick.
Chocolate is the only thing that will never lie to you.
I’m quiet and reserved, as I get everything out. I’m not slamming doors or banging bowls onto the kitchen counter. I don’t need to. It’s my own fault for being naïve and thinking that someone like Joshua Wilson would want someone like me. I’m plain and ordinary. I have nothing to offer him or anyone like him. Actors don’t fall in love with mundane people.
“Are you okay?”
I smile at Millie and Amanda, who both look forlorn. “I’m fine, just making a cake. We talked about having cake, right?”
“Right,” Millie says with a forced grin. I shuffle around her while she leans against the counter. She could move, or help, either one would be nice. Just standing in my way though, is going to piss me off.
“Josh said—”
I put my hand up, motioning for Amanda to stop talking. “I don’t care what Joshua said, or hasn’t said. I’m fully aware of his feelings.”
“But I thought—”
This time I stop Millie from talking. “I don’t ask about your marriage, so please don’t ask about mine.”
The women fall silent and allow me to shuffle around the kitchen. I breathe a sigh of relief when they leave and the sliding glass door opens. I don’t want to be coddled or pretend that our fake friendship actually means anything. I put the cake in the oven and lean on the stove. The warmth takes away the chill I’m feeling, but does nothing to take the weight off of my chest.
I cringe and step away when he touches me. I busy myself with washing the dirty dishes while he stands there.
“Joey?” My eyes close when he says my name, but it’s not enough. I ignore him. We have nothing to talk about. If anything, he should be sitting at the counter coming up with a new strategy.
“Joey to the confession room,” Linda says with her impeccable timing as always.
After drying my hands on the towel, I check the timer. I won’t be able to spend too much time in there or my cake will burn. I brush by Josh and avoid his hand when he reaches for me.
Sitting down with a huff, I smile into the camera. “What is it now? You’ve already embarrassed me, what could you possibly need to know? Are you curious as to why I’m not crying? Why I’m not begging Joshua to choose me over Jules Maxwell, a woman he has history with? This game is nothing more than a mockery of marriage. You can’t expect people to fall in love with all your forced competitions and stupid confession room pranks. When all is said and done, we’ll go our separate ways and think about our time here and how we could’ve done things differently. Maybe Millie and Cole will last, but the rest of us won’t, and as producers, you should be ashamed of yourselves.”
I stand, but hesitate. “What you did today just showed me that you only care about the ratings.” I walk out knowing the producers aren’t going to be happy with me. I don’t care because in two months this show is over and I’ll be back home doing what I do best.
Eating cake.