“Newlyweds, it was close,” Patrick starts. Right now I only want to win so we can have some privacy to talk. We have one more night in the master suite until our competition tomorrow, so I could man up and talk to her tonight. Or I can chicken out and hide downstairs with Gary and Cole until I know she’s asleep.
“You’re all separated by a few seconds. In third, Josh and Joey.”
“Shit,” I mumble. “It had to be that Sea World question.”
Joey nods, not looking at me.
“And tonight’s winner … Cole and Millie!”
“That was rigged,” I say as they jump up and down, while the rest of us clap with little enthusiasm. Joey sidesteps me and goes to congratulate the winners. I tag behind her, with my tail between my legs, and wish them luck. Before Joey can escape, I grab her hand and pull her into the house and up our suite.
?
?We need to talk about last night,” I say as soon as I shut the door. I look around our room for any evidence that we got a bit freaky, you know with a painting hanging sideways or random contents on the floor. The floor … I look around the bed for the condom wrapper, but don’t see one. Did she clean up after me?
“Josh, we got drunk and played a game. Games like that tend to teach you a little more about your friends.”
“Joey, we had sex. Sex isn’t a game. I took advantage of you, so if you want to hit me or yell at me, I can take it.” I spread my arms out wide and close my eyes. When I don’t feel the pounding on my chest, I peek out of one eye to find her staring at me confusingly. “What?”
Joey’s arms are crossed over her chest and her lip is jutted out. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she’s pissed.
“I don’t want to hit you.”
“Why not?” I ask, knowing full well that I deserve it for taking advantage of her. I know how she feels about me and should’ve never put her in this situation.
“We didn’t have sex.”
“Um … yes we did,” I rebut her claim. She doesn’t have to pretend like it didn’t happen.
“No, we didn’t,” she says matter-of-factly.
I step forward and place my hands on her shoulders. “Joey, we did and I must’ve said something stupid to you because you ended up sleeping on the couch. What can I do to fix this? I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
Her eyebrow rises and there’s a slight smirk creeping across her face. There’s nothing but mystic and danger in her eyes. Whatever she’s thinking, I have a feeling I’m not going to be able to say no.
Joey sets her hands my cheeks. “Joshua, you and I didn’t have sex last night. When I came out of the shower, you were spread out like a five-point star and I couldn’t move you so I slept on the couch.”
“Joey, you don’t have to pretend.” I try to sound confident, self-assured. Maybe she doesn’t remember, or she does and this is her way of telling me it was horrible.
“You’re cute when you’re flustered, but honestly, we didn’t have sex so stop trying to say we did because I’m getting upset.”
Joey starts to step away, but I grab her quickly and pull her back to me. I search for any sign that she’s lying, but I’m unable to tell.
“I’m sorry, what can I do to make it better?”
“Kiss me.”
“Kiss you?” I question.
“Kiss me like you mean it. Kiss me like I’m the only one in the world that makes you smile.” Joey falls back into my arms. “Kiss me like I’m the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.” She’s now chest to chest with me and the sexual tension is heavy. Joey licks her lips and my eyes watch the slow motion of her tongue.
“Ah hell,” I say before pulling her into my arms and crashing my lips against hers. I know we had sex last night, and that’s a game changer. I just have to figure out why she’s so hell bent on telling me we didn’t. Everything with her is now intensified and turning her away from this point on is going to be extremely difficult. Maybe she knows this, or maybe this is just part of her game plan. Either way, I’m screwed. I’m done for. Joey Freaking Wilson officially owns me.
In the past two weeks, I want to say that things with Joshua have stilled. That we don’t talk unless the cameras are on. We don’t kiss, touch, or make ridiculous eyes at each other. That would all be a lie. Everything changed after we had sex. While he sometimes initiates contact, he holds back a lot. I don’t know if it’s because he’s unsure and now questioning his feelings or what. What I do know is he makes my knees weak, my stomach flip-flop, and my skin tingle. He gives me a headache, makes my heartbreak, and my imagination plots ways to cause him harm. I want to tell him what he knows, but saying the words out loud to him can only have one reaction—it was a mistake. I’d rather pretend that we didn’t have sex than to hear those words tumble off his lips. There isn’t any amount of kissing or subtle touches that would put my heart back together after that.
I love him, but won’t admit it to anyone or say the words out loud. Saying them out loud makes everything seem real. I can barely admit it to myself on most days because I’m not sure if it’s genuine love, or if it’s the built up infatuation I’ve had with him for so many years. Either way, when he’s in the room my senses are heightened, and after our drunken sexcapades, everything is off the charts crazy.
I finally feel like I fit in with the others in the house. Amanda’s icy cold demeanor has changed to tepid. Not a great improvement, but better than nothing. Once Gary started to physically change, so did her attitude. I have to give him credit; he’s worked out and watched what he’s eaten all to impress her. I’m not sure that’s something I would’ve done for someone, but he’s proven that she’s important to him. Amanda also curbed her wandering eyes for Josh and for that I’m thankful. Now she’s taken to actually eyeing her husband, and I know he appreciates it. Josh says Gary gossips like a high school girl and I told Josh that there are some things I just don’t want to know.