As I walk toward the door, Joshua stops me. His hand on my side sends waves of tingles all over my body. I take a deep breath, inhaling his cologne, and muster the strength to look at him. Big mistake. He’s already tanning from the sun and his eyes are perfect. Beads of sweat sit on his torso are making me wish I were a towel so I could clean him up.
I need help.
“Remember, the viewers are going to hear this so you want to appease them.”
My masked expression must relay enough so I don’t have to answer him.
“Just be yourself. We’re falling for each other and you want to play into the hands of my fans.”
“Right, your fans … And what? We’re falling for each other?” His fans? We’re falling for each other? I don’t think anyone, other than myself, is falling anywhere and I’m heading down the Alice in Wonderland hole of fictional reality. This man … I want him to fall for me. I want the fantasy that plays out in reality. I want his fans to know that their heartthrob found love on a reality show. Is that too much to ask?
He smiles his thousand-watt smile that makes me weak in the knees. “Of course, and we just spent our first night together. They’re going to want to know. Just be yourself.” He kisses me on my forehead and slaps me on the ass, sending me on my way.
When I step into the house, goosebumps rise on my skin. The air conditioner is on full blast and not a single soul is in the house. I hit the thermostat and shut it off. I know I’m not paying the electric bill, but unless we’re in here to enjoy the cool air, there’s no need to have it on.
The confession room is inviting, which makes it deceiving. The circular sofa is cream colored and littered with every color, shape, and size of pillow known to man. I choose to sit in the middle and on the edge of the cushion and slide my hands under my legs. I don’t want to be comfortable.
“Hello, Joey. These questions have been submitted by fans.”
The voice is female and still a computer. The producers really keep themselves hidden and void of any emotion when it comes to us. It wouldn’t hurt them to just be themselves for once, but I guess that isn’t how the game is played.
“Hi,” I say in response. I already know I’m not offering up anything without being promoted. I’m not ready to confess, or break down for the viewers.
“You’re married to one of Hollywood’s rising stars. How does that make you feel?”
Biting my lower lip, I think about how it does make me feel. Special, stupid, lucky, like a failure—the list could really go on and on, but Joshua’s voic
e in my head reminds me of what I’m meant to say.
“I’m blessed,” I start with. “I don’t look at him like he’s Joshua Wilson the actor, but as Joshua Wilson, humanitarian and good person.”
“You haven’t hidden from Joshua that he’s your celebrity crush. Do you feel that with him knowing, it makes things awkward?”
Of course they heard that confession in the bathroom and no doubt aired the audio of the kiss I gave him when I threw myself at him. I thought things would be awkward, though. I thought he’d think of me as a stalker and ask that he be removed from the show. But he didn’t.
“No, I think it made things better for us. He doesn’t have to worry about what I’m thinking when he talks about work and he gets to know what a fan of his is truly thinking.”
“Do you think you’ll be able to survive in Hollywood?”
No! I want to scream, but can’t. Stay poised and don’t let the questions get to you. Hollywood has already won where I’m concerned. Because of Hollywood, I won’t have my husband, but a piece of paper saying that my once marriage doesn’t exist. Although if we have sex, he’d have to divorce me and I’d get to keep his last name and be known as his ex-wife. Sex shouldn’t be the answer to everything, but for me it is.
“Hollywood and I will get along just fine as long as it treats Joshua with respect.”
“Thank you, Joey.”
I can’t tell if the camera is switched off or not as I sit and continue to stare at it. I know I should get up and rejoin everyone, but they’re going to ask what the confession room is like. I’m the first one to use it and have a feeling I’ll be the popular candidate considering Joshua’s fan base. Maybe he and I need to sit down and go over the way I answer the questions. Make sure they’re on point and acceptable to him.
My mind is made up when I hear Gary being summoned to the confession room. The last thing I want is to be caught in this room with Gary. The door opens as I stand. He smiles and my insides cringe. He’s nice enough, but there’s something about him that rubs me the wrong way.
“Your husband is a nice man.”
I look at him questioningly. “Um, thank you?”
He nods and pulls his shirt up to rub his forehead. I turn away, not willing to even see what he has under there.
“He’s helping me get in shape so I can win Amanda over, maybe get her to fall in love with me.”
His words not only break me but also make my heart swell with pride. Of course Joshua would find a way to do something worthwhile in the house.