My masseuse giggles but quickly tries to hide it. It makes me wonder if she’s realized who we are. Josie and Katelyn laugh, quickly affirming my suspicions. On that note, I stop talking and go back to enjoying my massage. This isn’t the place for us to discuss the men or what other jobs they’d like to have in their lives.
As soon as we’re done, we find ourselves in the sauna. For right now, it’s only the three of us and we can speak freely.
“Katelyn, do you wish you and Harrison had a child together?”
She smiles. “Yes and no. It’s not like we were safe all the time. We went with the notion that if it happened, great. If not, we already had three amazing children. Now, we’re at the stage where we could be grandparents soon.”
“God, don’t remind me,” Josie adds. “Every time I see a magazine with Noah’s face on it, I fear that the headline says something about him becoming a father.”
“You’re not ready?” I ask Josie.
“It’s not that, it’s… oh God, I am horrible. It’s Dessie. I just can’t find something to like about her, and I feel like the worst mother in the world.”
Josie covers her face and her shoulders shake. Neither Katelyn nor I move to comfort her. It’s like we both know she needs this moment to let it all out.
When she pulls her hands away, I’m unable to tell if she has shed any tears due to the moisture from the sauna.
“What don’t you like about her?” Katelyn asks.
Josie shakes her head. “Liam said I don’t like her because she’s with Noah, but that’s not it. She just acts like she owns him. Like he can’t think for himself. When we were in Los Angeles for his game not too long ago, Elle went right up to him and hugged him, and Dessie stood there with her arms crossed looking really pissed.”
“I remember,” Katelyn says. “That night, Quinn was going on about how things used to be different between them.”
“Eden likes her, but I think it’s because she’s a supermodel,” I add. “You have to follow your instincts, right?”
Josie nods, as does Katelyn. “I’m trying to find common ground with her because I know she’s important to Noah.” Josie leans her head back against the tile wall. “This is like history repeating itself. Bianca hated me when Liam first brought me home. I remember I wasn’t allowed in the house if she wasn’t home, and she and Sterling made me feel miserable. Liam would sneak me over all the time. I don’t want to be that version of Bianca.”
“Eden talks about this surfer kid from Australia named Dane Foster all the time. I’ve met him a couple of times. He’s cute. Has an accent. Dane’s coming over to the house this week and will meet Jimmy for the first time. It’s funny because he used to tease Eden about her crush on Quinn, but now that she really has one, he’s freaking out.”
“Those accents will get you every time,” Katelyn says, laughing.
“Don’t I know it.”
“Why didn’t you cancel her party?” Josie asks.
I adjust my towel and stretch my legs out. The tiles are cold against my heated skin. “I thought about it but Jimmy didn’t want to interrupt her plans. He’s having a hard time letting her grow up.”
“That’s easy to understand. I have a hard time with Quinn paying his own bills. I still want to mother him. The only thing he really allows me to do is his laundry.”
The three of us laugh.
“Why didn’t you and Jimmy have another baby?” Katelyn asks.
Josie and Katelyn both make eye contact with me. I smile and shake my head. “We tried. We did everything humanly possible but I just couldn’t get pregnant. We thought
about using a surrogate when Eden was about six or seven, but Jimmy and I both have trust issues and decided not to.”
“I would’ve done it for you,” Josie says.
“Me too. All you had to do was ask,” Katelyn tells me.
I nod and try to hold back the tears, but to no avail. They pour out of me like a leaky faucet that can’t shut off. The girls start to move toward me, but I hold my hand up. “I’m okay. I read so many horror stories about surrogates and using friends that I didn’t want to ruin our relationship.”
“I think the bond we have is different from those stories you read. We were friends with you long before Liam brought the guys into our lives. It’s a bonus that the three of us are best friends and married to the band, but that doesn’t mean we still aren’t your family.”
“Katelyn’s right, Jenna. I’m just sorry it’s too late. I can’t imagine being pregnant now. I’d probably park myself on the couch and eat Bon Bons all day and go back to watching the Young and the Restless.”
I snort, laugh, and cough at the same time. “We’re thinking about adopting, sort of. I’ve bought it up, but Jimmy is on the fence. Thing is, Eden’s almost fifteen and I don’t know if I want to do diapers or midnight feedings again.”