Josie slides down the window to sit. I shake my head and wish I hadn’t gotten rid of the booze. I lean my head back and look at the ceiling. I can’t even believe I’m about to tell her this shit. I might as well sign my divorce papers tonight as well.
“How long?”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I’m unable to look at her so I stand next to her and look out the window again.
“It was… fuck!” I roar and slam my hand against the glass pane. “It was days, Josie. It was fucking days later. I met her at the club and we went dancing. I was in a bad place that night and she gave me some Ecstasy and I went back to her place.”
I can hear her crying and want to comfort her, but I know she won’t let me.
“Did you use a condom?”
“Come on, Josie.”
“Answer me.”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly, shaking my head.
“She has a daughter who is a few months younger than Noah.”
“I know. She told me the other day when she got to town –”
“She’s yours?”
I laugh. “No, she’s not. Layla was… Layla was easy. She was into a lot of E and a lot of men. I’m not gonna lie, I liked her because she was so different from you, but I wasn’t ready for anything then and by the time I was, she was married.”
“Her husband isn’t the father of her daughter.”
“Jesus, how the hell do you know this… it’s in that book, isn’t it? Did you read that fucking book?”
I step in front of her and crouch down, pulling her chin up so she has to look at me. I search her eyes for my answer. It’s there. Plain as day. “You did. You read the one thing I asked you not to read.”
“I had to. I had to know if you loved her!” she screams at me, pushing me away. I fall back onto my ass and she stands over me. I know who the ‘her’ is, and it’s not Layla. “Why did Sam have such a hold on you that you couldn’t come back? What did she have that I didn’t?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why wasn’t I enough?” Tears stream down her face and I feel my eyes starting to burn.
“I wasn’t enough for you.” I stand so we’re eye to eye. “I wouldn’t have treated you right if you were here with me. I needed to grow up. I’m selfish, Josie. I wanted the whole fucking world and I couldn’t have it. I wanted to be with you, Mason and Katelyn, but I was fucking stuck. My best friend ditched out on me and I didn’t want to look like a fucking loser, so I came here because my grandma offered me a different life. A life where no one had any expectations of me, and if I failed no one would give a fuck.”
I look away, pinching the bridge of my nose. Inhaling deeply, I skip the part about meeting Sam and how if I hadn’t, I would’ve come home that week. Instead, I tell her when the downfall started. “After my grandma died I started drinking heavily. I partied every night and took women home because I could. No one cared about what I did, except for Sam, and she only cared because it wasn’t with her. I was too far gone to come home and, if I had, I wouldn’t have stayed.”
It’s a long moment in time before I’m standing in front of her again, cupping her face. I press my forehead against hers, letting her tears wet my hand. “Please don’t let those years I was gone haunt us.”
“But they are.”
“How?”
Josie clutches my wrist as she closes her eyes. “Because I read that book. I broke your trust and now I’m questioning everything about our lives. There are things in Sam’s journal that hurt us.”
“Like what?”
“Like Mason… he came here for you, right after you signed with your agent. He waited at her office for two days looking for you.” I drop my hand and step away.
“I didn’t know.” If Sam weren’t dead, I’d be strangling her right now. The fact that she kept so much from me, kept me from knowing I had people who cared about me, burns me on the inside. This is just one more reason why I can’t be a part of Moreno’s plan. He raised that bitch, and he’s just like her.
“Would you have come home?”
I nod. “He would’ve kicked my ass first, before telling me you were pregnant. I would’ve come back for you, but I know you would’ve ended up hating me. I had a dream coming true and nothing was going to stop me. I would’ve asked you to marry me, and I would’ve brought you back here whether you liked it or not.”