“Because this family has a lot of love to give to someone who needs it. His parents don’t want him and I don’t know about you, but I bet it feels really bad to not be wanted.”
Noah looks at me for a minute or so. He has a few tears falling onto his pillow, but I don’t bring attention to them. He’s a big boy now, almost a man according to him.
“It’s a boy?”
“Yeah. I’m stuck with another Westbury man. I’m never going to win any battles.”
Noah laughs and wipes at his face angrily. “Can you promise me that nothing will change?”
“I promise, Noah.”
It’s moments like these that make me despise Sterling even more. If he had been a better father maybe I could handle the situation with Noah better. I’m flying by the seat of my pants with each problem that arises. That’s not the way to raise a child. I could probably benefit from some classes or maybe even therapy to get over the issues I have with my parents. Either way, shit with Noah has to change. He has to know I’m here for him no matter what, even when I’m on tour or locked in the studio recording. He’s my priority in life.
So is Josie, and that’s why I need to tell her about this ridiculous book that is coming out. I understand that people have the freedom to say as they want, but you should never profit off ruining another person’s image or potentially their life. Writing a book about me, my band, or anyone else for that matter, without their consent, should be against the law. I don’t know what I’m more pissed about – the fact that this journalist was able to get her hands on Sam’s diaries and Mr. Moreno allowed it, or the fact that shit happened in my life that I never intended to tell Josie about. The Sam shit I can deal with, but I’m not so sure that Josie will be very keen on finding out about the other stuff and how much of a douche I really was.
I start preparing dinner for everyone. Over the past year or so I’ve become a self-proclaimed master with the grill. No one tells me my skills make their food taste nasty, so the title stays. Josie is my dessert maker. She makes a mean chocolate cake. It tastes even better when she’s not sharing it with my friends.
At least once a week we’re eating at each other’s houses. I believe there’s some sort of secret agreement that we switch, but I can’t confirm. I just do what I’m told and go where directed. It’s best to not ask too many questions. The only time I need to be prepared is when we’re going to Nick’s or he’s coming over here. I respect his relationship with my son, but that’s as far as it’s going for me. I can tolerate him, but I adore Aubrey. She’s a firecracker for sure... and a lifesaver.
Small, yet strong arms wrap around my waist causing me to put the knife that I’ve been using down. After wiping my hands with the nearby towel, I turn and pull Josie closer to me. She’s been crying and as much as I want to cup her face and smooth out her frown lines, the last thing she needs from me are remnants of meat on her skin.
“Everything okay?”
“I think so,” she says as she puckers up for a kiss for which I’m all too happy to oblige. “Noah just needs a little reassurance that you’re not replacing or making a substitute for him. He’s concerned that you won’t spend time with him. I reminded him that by the time the baby is old enough to do fun stuff with you, he’ll be going off to college and he seemed okay with that.”
I pull Josie into a hug so she won’t see the hurt and confusion etched across my face. If I’ve done something to give Noah that idea, then I’ve failed him as a father. Maybe I need to take a step back and reevaluate how I am with him... find ways to make him feel even more connected to me. Thing is, I’m not sure how. We share a common love for football and baseball, but aside from sports, Noah and I are two different people which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
I see a lot of me in Noah and it scares me. I was gung ho, balls to the wall, devoted to football. Camps, clinics, practice and game films made me happy until I met Josie. She was the icing on my proverbial cake. I had her and football at the same time and was happier than a pig in shit. That was until the sport I loved started slowly eating away at my soul. What I loved doing soon felt like a chore. The desire to achieve greatness went away little-by-little every time I stepped out onto the field or had a game film to watch. I no longer cared if I broke records or held titles, but others cared and I had to go out and make sure their dreams were coming true.
My father was a whole other story – one that’s hard to talk about. He’s the reason I quit, the reason why I gave up on what could’ve been an amazing career. He’s the reason I chose a school that I didn’t want and the coach who didn’t care if I was there or not. I gave my dad too much power over me and I won’t do that to Noah. He needs to be the one to make decisions about his career. If he plays football, great! I’ll be in the stands. If he decides to do something else, I’ve got his back one hundred percent. I won’t be Sterling, but I also won’t let him be a bum or walk all over his mother and me.
“Liam, are you okay?”
“What?” I pull back from her to find her eyes full of concern.
“Well, I’m not complaining about the marathon hug, but we have people due here any minute and your meat is getting warm.”
Josie realizes her blunder the moment the words cross her lips. I cock my eyebrow and move my hips back and forth, earning an epic eye roll.
“You’re horrible.”
I laugh and release her from my hold. “Hate to break it to you, but you said warm meat.”
Josie slaps me on the ass before moving to the other side of the kitchen to prepare what looks like salad and hopefully a chocolate cake for later. I should probably run out and get some flowers for when I drop the bomb about the book coming out. Who am I kidding? Flowers won’t even come close to making everything okay. I’m going to need a grand gesture, but I don’t want it to look like I’m trying to buy her forgiveness. I’m not. I don’t want it. I did what I had to do to at that time in my life. Had I known about Noah, I would’ve been back here in a heartbeat, but I didn’t. I can’t be faulted for my actions, at least I hope not.
“What are you looking at?”
Her question catches me off guard. I smile and shake my head slightly. “You. You’re so fucking beautiful. I don’t know how I got so lucky.”
Josie shrugs. “Easy,” she says as she walks over to me. “You asked, and I said yes.”
The backyard fills quickly with the gang, better known as the band and their families. If I didn’t know better, I’d think they all arrived together, but they’re just punctual. I watch out the window, looking at my two best friends with their kids while the wives are in the corner giggling about something. Even my wife is with them saying who knows what.
JD is holding a squirming Eden, who’s eager to get down and play. Once she was born, Josie, and I decided to put a swing set play structure in our backyard. The kids spend so much time over here we thought it’d be nice if they had a place to escape to and get out of our hair.
It’s odd to think about how far we’ve come and how we ended up in Beaumont. Me being here is easy to figure out, but Harrison and JD didn’t have to follow. They did and because of my decision to move back here, the band is struggling. We’re not a guaranteed sold out show any more and at best we’re an opening act. We’re not getting the calls we need, or the radio airplay. It’s my job to fix this so the kids have futures. I’m just not sure I can fix it here.
As soon as I step outside, Harrison and JD give up on dad duties and come over to the grill. Last summer, Josie and I decided to spruce up the backyard and had a custom patio with an outside kitchen installed along with a fire pit and pool. The backyard became our oasis. A place where we can spend time as a family, or entertain our frien